What's in a spark?

After reading about my misadventure with Sundays date, I’m sure you can understand my nervousness about my date tonight with Mr. USC. Another Lakers game, and another glass of wine… But this time I’m really going to try and have me head in the game. Though what made me pause this morning was this thought- If I have to force myself to keep my head in the game, then really is it worth it? I mean I have a great time hanging out with him, he’s a great guy, we have a lot in common and he’s really into me. Even after me biting him he still sent flirty text messages yesterday and still made plans to see me again… The only problem is that there is something missing and I just can’t put my finger on what exactly it is. Now everyone this week has been pressuring me to just give him a chance, to just keep dating him and not worry about the fact that there isn’t a spark… but on the other hand these were the same people that pressured me into ending things with Mr. Green, and look how well that turned out. And I know it’s all for the best, but at the same time if I wasn’t convinced to rock the boat last week then I would be looking forward to a weekend in San Diego for an old friends Birthday Bonanza on Saturday night and then a another friends welcome home party on Sunday night… Instead I’ll be spending the weekend up here in Los Angeles wondering how I got so off track…And I know that he was never mine to begin with… but it sure was nice to borrow Mr. G these last couple of months. And yes I know everyone disliked him, especially at the end (Oh the claws really came out on my friends once they knew it was really over). And I know I’ve been doing great getting over him and have even has some fun trying. And I know that sitting here thinking what if’s are bad for me, what if I was a little less, what if I didn’t have to push, what if I could just have been happy with the way things were, what if he weren't shuch a shit (ok maybe that's your what if). But that’s the problem with what ifs. You can’t go back. And no amount of wishing will change things. Because the truth of the matter is I shouldn’t have to change myself for anyone… because there is some guy out there that is going to love me for me, just the way I am. And that guy isn’t in San Diego… but on the other hand I don’t think he’s in USC either.