Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Things that make you go Hmmmmm...

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in the middle of a conversation with a friend, when they say something that just gives you pause. Usually they not only don’t mean anything by it, but don’t even realize that they have said anything that would upset you… Today I was having just one of those conversations, when all of a sudden a friend said something that really just made me stop. Now I know he didn’t mean anything by it, and the fact of the matter is he probably didn’t even think about who he was talking to when he said it. And I just kind of went along and made a joke of the situation. But the problem is that once an idea is lodged in my head it’s really hard for me to shake it out. I won’t bore you with the details on the conversation, but I can say that it didn’t come as a shock… but what it did do is serve as a nice wake up call. Mind you this is the same wake up call that friends have been trying to drill into my head for the last couple of weeks but we all know I’m a little slow when it comes to matters of the heart (or of things down a little lower than that so-called-heart). So now the bigger question of the day is, now that I’ve taken my pause, what now? And maybe it’s unfair that I’m now judging Mr. Green, and seeing as he really can’t defend himself and has been honest about the situation from the beginning... And maybe our friend was just making a Petty comment to get under my skin… well if that’s the case, it did work…. But really I think I’m worth a lot more than half a comment and the can of worms that it opened up.

Monday, July 28, 2008

A sex-jury meets the waves...

Two weeks ago while dragging a table I managed to get a little tweak in my back… nothing serious just a little sore, or so I thought! And it definitely wasn’t going to side line me when Mr. Green came up the weekend after. During the weekend it got a bit worse, kind of reminds me of what our parents use to warn us about making funny faces- watch out, if you keep you expression like that for too long your face might just get stuck. Which seemed kind of funny, since the Monday after Mr. Green left to go back to San Diego I realized that it was next to impossible to stand up straight, yet bent over I felt fine! Hmmmm… so for all of last week friends made fun of me for my Sex-jury but it seemed to be getting better, once again or so I thought! Which leads me to last Sunday.After a weekend of great surf I felt energized and ready to play with the big boys… so I paddled myself out and go some of the best waves of my life… A nice little swell came in during the early morning hours and not only were the waves a nice size but they had some nice speed to them too. About 45 minutes into my session I paddled a wave but realized a little too late that it was way bigger than I should be taking, which gave me a moment’s hesitation. Now if I would have backed off the wave I would have been fine. If I would have just continued to try and ride the way I’m sure I would have been fine too… but instead I hesitated, and unfortunately I was “fucked stupid” by the wave. As soon as I was off my board I did exactly as I had been taught all those years ago, cover your face and head and then just roll with the wave. And boy did I ever roll! At one point my hands on top of my head touched the ocean floor (thank god my hands were there or it would have been my head bumping up against the sand). After I finally stopped rolling I was able to pop my head above the water and cough my way to shore. Which at that point I felt fine, ran home to shower before heading down to the Surf Tournament in Huntington… but about a half hour later I found myself flat on my back unable to move, which is a similar position that I’ve been in all week. Now the smart thing to do would be go to a doctor… or maybe just stay on my couch! Instead I spent Sunday in Huntington meeting my idols (so couldn’t turn down the opportunity to meet Sonny Garcia!), walking the beach, playing in the waves and admiring my surf gods. Though I plan on taking it easy the rest of the week and luckily I had to cancel my trip down to surf in San Diego this weekend, because I’m a little afraid that if I spend any more time bent over (which is the only position my back is comfortable in right now) I really might just get stuck that way! But hey, at least it would be a fun way to go out :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Moments in my head.

So it’s been a pretty slow week here in my life… both on the personal and professional fronts, and except for a couple of drinks with the girls and an interview it’s been pretty mellow (especially since I no longer have 3 dogs that follow me around all day long!). So unfortunately I have nothing to report on myself but I did have some thoughts this morning while I drink my coffee (without baileys in it unfortunately).

1) Vaginal Reconstruction and G-Spot Shots…ok yea that’s an odd one to start out with but I was watching a show on it this morning. And I know that I haven’t had any children, so I might not be able to understand (especially since more often than not I’ve been told that I’m tighter than they’d expected), but seriously ladies how can you get laser treatment inside your V-JJ! And even worse to let someone inject silicone into your g-spot in order to make it more sensitive (and although the claimed multiple orgasms is a nice perk I’d HATE for something to go wrong)… though the best part of the segment was that the woman who was talking about the effects that she had with all of it had the LARGEST NOSE, seriously she should have invested her thousands of dollars into getting that fixed instead!

2) How do people survive without a dishwasher! Seriously I’ve gotten so spoiled, I grew up with a dishwasher, pretty much always had one in every apartment, and have been in this one for 4 years now with my trusty dishwasher… Turns out I use way too many dishes, pots and silverware when I cook so now I feel like my life is constantly just one long line of dish washing! Dear landlord- please fix me soon!

3) Morning optimism… it’s funny how when I first wake up I’m pretty grumpy in the morning… but give me some coffee and an hour and I’m singing along with the birds and practically skipping around my apartment. I wish every moment of the day could be lived like I live the 2nd hour of being awake every morning!

4) Craigslist. It’s really such an odd thing. I mean basically it’s an online newspaper classified section, but you can buy anything from a car to a person on it. I’m using it for the first time to sell a table and I’m finding it fascinating… a lot more now that it’s not me either seeing my boyfriend posting himself on it or seeing myself being posted on it as a hooker. I’m optimistic about selling my table and will let you know if it actually works… especially since EBay really does seem like too much work for me, plus they take a cut- what’s with that! But so far just two emails from scammers telling me they would mail me a check and their “shipping manager” would pick it up… Hmmmm no!

Well that’s all the ramblings for today… and after a nice afternoon spent on the beach getting some much needed sun I’m off to get ready for cocktails at Blue on Blue… because what more can you ask for on a Thursday- A little coffee, a little optimism, a lot of sun, and some drinks sitting out by a poolside bar!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Will the real Hardt please stand up?

Over the years I have gotten many criticisms on my extremely large personality. Everything from EVERYONE telling me, to talk softer to multiple friends telling me that maybe I should try and be a little more subdued around guys, to an ex who actually told me I was “cold”… I know I’m a little larger than life, a little louder than most, more sexual than is probably normal, I don’t have a filter, just say whatever comes to my mind and live my life as an open book- telling everything to all, even if more times than not they really don’t want to hear it. And sometimes that scares people off, sometimes it attracts people for the wrong reasons but sometimes it’s just right. And for the most part I’m pretty secure in who I am… though lately I have been having my doubts.After searching for a job these last couple of months I’ve started to think that maybe there is something wrong. In every interview I get out of they tell me how much they just LOVED me, so much that when they call to tell me that they won't be offering me the job they always let me know that they are passing my resume along to everyone they know because I am so great. And strangely they all have passed my resume along. Which of course only started once again the cycle of: interview, loved by all and then rejected once again… I also have found in my love life lately that maybe I do need to hold back. Hold back on what I say, hold back on my sexuality, and after scaring off Mr. Green this past weekend maybe I need to hold back hammering home what I need out of “relationship”. So it’s only normal that I went into an interview on Tuesday a little out of sorts. On the heals of many rejections (both professional and personally in the last couple of months) I thought it would be best to kind of hang up the fabulous Hardt and go with just all right Hardt. And in the end it turns out that the one interview when I could have brought out the real me, was the one that I held back… And when she called to check my references she told them that although she LOVED me that she got a feeling I was holding back on her and wasn’t being myself… and she was right! Guess I should have know that when I was interviewing with an Actress who became famous for playing one of those out there crazy, outrageously funny, sexual woman (very much like myself!) that she would have appreciated meeting the crazy, sexed out, loud and obnoxious Hardt… I just hope that I get the opportunity to show her that I really am just as insane as the potential that she saw in me…. Because trust me- I so am sponge worthy!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Silence is Golden... and telling.

I live my life as an open book… I post most days on my blog, I update my status practically every hour on myspace and facebook, I call ALL of my friends whenever I have a problem or good news or just want to talk and I usually solicit advice from everyone from my parents on down to the butcher… but sometimes a little silence is nice. When I’m having a bad day, it isn’t helpful to hear that I’ve once again screwed up. Or after a job interview that I desperately need to be told that it’s just a waste of time for me to take a job like that. Or when a boy disappoints that it’s ok, I shouldn’t care anyway. Or when I’m grumpy and in a bad mood to just be asked why are you so negative lately… Because sometimes I’m just grumpy. And trust me, I’m well aware that I’ve screwed up (once again). Maybe I just can’t get anything better right now. And so what if I do care!

I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking poor baby you are complaining because people care enough about you to ask questions, and try and help… but I’m allowed to just have a bad day sometimes… and let me tell you today is just one of them. And I love that all my friends are always there, always asking, always trying to help, always having suggestions on how to bail myself out of another mess. But really, sometimes I want to not have to rely on someone else. Sometimes I really just want to be able to get out of that mess myself. To not have to be bailed out once again… and some times I just want to be able to bury myself in my apartment and have a really good cry. And I know that I’ve been taking things out on my poor friends that are just trying to help… but it just seems the more everyone wants to help me the worse I feel about myself. Which I know is incredibly selfish of me but sometimes when everyone is trying to help out they are just reminding me of everything I don’t have, which right now seems like a lot. But like I said today is just one of those bad days… and I’m sure tomorrow I will wake up with the birds chirping and my smile will have returned on my face. But for now I’m going to hole up in my apartment, finish cleaning the mess that it became over the weekend, have a good cry and be thankful for everything that I do have in my life, including all my wonderful friends who really do just want the best for me and would lay down on the tracks to help the train from running me over! So just ignore me when I’m grumpy and snappy today… and next time you get in a mood (as we all get in them) I too will ignore the snapping come my direction.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hardt on Fire!

So once again your trusty blogger found a new way to meet men... or should I say found a new way to meet the firemen that live across the street! Yes you guessed it, I’ve done something to require the help of the men in uniform across the street (yet again!).

As you know I’ve been having a streak of bad luck over the last couple of months ago. Even my “fortune” was telling me of more bad luck (officially my fortune over the weekend was: “You will endure some hardship in the near future”), so I should not have been surprised that while rocking Jeopardy tonight I started to smell what seemed like burning plastic… oh wait it was burning plastic and as I looked over to the dishwasher I noticed that there was smoke coming out of it! Turns out I managed to do the undoable- started my dishwasher on fire. Yes I know a couple of months ago I did set a spatula on fire while cooking, but it’s a completely different ballpark to actual set an appliance on fire- especially an appliance whose sole purpose is to spout WATER! It looks like I might be washing my dishes by hand the next couple of days (luckily it was already having issues so there should be a handy man out next week to check it out) but once again it was thrust upon me that maybe I don’t need a man in my life, but sometimes it is helpful to have a really big hose!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I see dead people

Last night I found myself enjoying not only one of my favorite summer activities but one of the top things to do in Los Angeles- Classic Movie Screenings at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about (and if that is true, run don’t walk to the cemetery this Saturday or Sunday!) the Hollywood Forever Cemetery opens its gates on Saturday and Sundays for screenings of Classic Movies (mostly camp and horror). It screens it onto the back of one of the mausoleums on the great lawn. It sounds morbid but in fact it is incredibly fun! They open the gates an hour and half before the screening (though I recommend getting there really early because it often maxes out) and with a DJ playing in the background you can enjoy your own picnic dinner. And it has the distinction of being one of the few places in LA where you can enjoy alcohol with your picnic! But lets get back to my Saturday… Mr. Green and I set out to enjoy Clockwork Orange under the stars… in hindsight maybe not the best “date” movie, but since all of our dates had been unconventional (except maybe seeing Batman the previous evening) it seemed only appropriate that we see one of the most sexually disturbing movies of all times. So before heading to the screening we made a stop by at Whole Foods to pack ourselves the perfect dinner- well my version of the perfect dinner: Brie, Guda, A Tomato-Cheese Spread, Salami, Crackers, a Rosemary Olive Baguette, Hummus, Tabouli (my first time tasting it and have to say I’m kind of a fan now!), and mini healthy Chocolate Chip Cookies… oh and don’t let me forget two bottles of Chardonnay. After that it was off to the movies! The movie was even better than I remembered (though a little more disturbing!) but let me tell you it really was just about the perfect way to spend a Saturday Evening- A great movie, a couple of bottles of wine, some cheese, and Mr. Green to cuddle with under the stars… Now if only all Saturdays could be spent that way, I’d have a very happy Hardt.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

He Said/She Said

Today Mr. Green made a joking suggestion that we should do a joint blog, a kind of He Said/She said version on life. And for once I think he has a point… after all, things seem to get lost in the translation when trying to figure out what someone of the opposite sex really means. With boys I have found that what they say initially is usually the truth, as Erika always tells me you have to date with your head and what they say upfront is usually what they mean. When a guy says I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, as a girl we usually hear but baby you can change that. But the fact is he’s telling you the truth- I don’t want to be in a relationship with YOU, I’m ok still sleeping with you and the girl down the street. There are red flags that get waved right at the beginning, which we choose to ignore. When Mr. NakedBartender told me he had been with 60 women, I should have KNOWN that he was going to end up cheating on me. When Mr. Wyoming told me he hadn’t been in a relationship (or even had sex with someone) in 3 years I should have KNOWN that he wouldn’t be able to handle things when they got serious and emotional… Just as when Mr. Green told me early on about the girls he’s currently “dating” I know that I need to remind myself (And unfortunately I’m sure I’m annoying him with how many times a day I remind him) that I’m really just another number in the line. But once again I guess I’m choosing to ignore the flag… or lets say I’m seeing it as yellow and not red (yea Naïve girl that I am!). But really does someone chuck out a potential relationship too early just because we don’t like the plays on the field? After two dates it’s way to early to expect monogamy (though he does point out that in reality all the time we’ve spent together really we’ve been on a dozen or so dates) but it got me to thinking today, if as women we know that these red flags are bad, why do we always try and turn them into green? And is it even possible?

I started asking around to my girls this afternoon… and turns out almost all of them are in relationships of sorts where they are uncertain of the terms of the relationship… One knows that they are just “buddies” yet continues to sleep with him in the hopes of one day it becoming a relationship… another is dating a guy but refuses to sleep with him until one day it becomes a relationship… another is back with her ex because she believes that this time he really is ready to settle down… and one even told me I had already given away my “relationship power”… ok so now I’m more confused than ever! As my friends like to remind me- I’m way over thinking things… like I always tend to do! I think maybe it comes from not being able to just enjoy the moment and always waiting for the other shoe to drop… but now that I’ve put it out there I’m going to just enjoy the weekend. Mr. Green is coming up for a Movie Marathon (Dark Knight on Friday and Clockwork Orange on Saturday) and some sun… and if he decides to turn his red flag into green than even better!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The reality of dating

On my quest for the perfect job I’ve sent out resumes everywhere in the last couple of weeks… I’ve also had a little fun with applying for things- yea I’m a big dork. So as a joke I sent in photos and responses to a couple of reality shows. Now we all know that they aren’t “real” but they still are funny, and I never thought I’d get any kind of response…. Though personally I really want to be on the How to look better naked show! But I digress, so Monday afternoon I got a call from one of the ones I had sent in applications for- A REALITY DATING SHOW. Now I can’t divulge which one, since I signed my life away with confidentiality, but let’s just say if I get a “match” I will join the rotation of girls… oh too funny all in itself but the highlight of the experience was not the “interview” itself but the questionnaire… I thought I’d share with you the highlights from my application- with my responses but also with the responses that I really wanted to write!

Longest Relationship?
Actual Response: On and off for 4 years
What I wanted to say: Well really I’ve only done on and off relationships that have lasted a couple of months (usually 4 at the most) but then they drag on (i.e. we sleep together again, start dating for another 4 months to only realize why we broke up in the first place, break up once again and then repeat a month or two down the line)

Have you ever posted or had someone else post nude or semi-nude pictures on the internet?
Actual Response: An ex posted a picture of me on craigslist but it was taken off promptly.
What I wanted to say: Actually it was many pictures and my phone number so if I’m on the show people may come out and say I was a hooker, although I so am not!

What is your type?
Actual Response: Athletic, Fit, Adventuresome, usually falls in the “bad boy” category
What I wanted to say: Great body, Hot, Unable to commit, Asshole, Poor, Some sort of Stunt Man/Pro Surfer, Player, Always bad for me…

Most people I’ve dated say I’m too?
Actual Response: Loud
What I wanted to say: Sex Crazed (though sarcastic and argumentative come a close second!)

One thing I’ve learned from my parents relationship?
Actual Response: That soul mates do exist
What I wanted to say: that and my dad’s golden rule on keeping a marriage going- Lots of good sex.

Have you ever done anything in your past that would cause the producers embarrassment?
Actual Response: No
What I wanted to say: Nothing that hasn’t happened to any reality show participant in the past…and although my past is very tame considering most reality TV stars I’d have to be pretty damn boring if I had nothing in my past that would cause a reaction of sorts!

Have you or anyone else created a website about you?
Actual Response: I have a blog about dating
What I wanted to say: Well of course I have myspace, facebook, friendster, not to mention I have a blog all about my sex life and then one solely about my drinking habits! But don’t worry I’m neither an alcoholic nor a nympho!


Reason your last relationship ended?
Actual Response: I found out he was cheating on me so I ended it.
What I wanted to say: Found out that my Bartender boyfriend was really a stripper who got himself arrested in Illinois while we were dating and then after my father helped arrange for him to leave the state and my mother bought his ticket I then found out he went straight from the plane to his ex’s house- who turns out wasn’t his ex but basically the girl he screwed on the side the entire time we were dating and financially supported him. Oh and yea there were those pictures he posted of me on the internet and the threatening of my life!

Are you single?
Actual Response: Yes
What I wanted to say: Well yes I am but I’m praying that by the time you actually call me to be on the show that I won’t be (*Wink wink- Nudge Nudge*) and therefore will not have to humiliate myself on TV by announcing to everyone I have ever met, including my very old grandparents, that I obviously cannot find a man on my own and now have resorted to a dating show in order to find my soul mate!

So stay tuned… and maybe one day soon you will get to see me dating right in your living room! Though cross your fings that is hasn't come to this!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Hardt takes public transportation

After living in Los Angeles the last 7 years I’ve come to think of Public Transportation as something that other people ride on… and more often than not am just upset when I’m stuck behind one of those horrible old buses that make a stop at every freaking corner! But today I adventured up from San Diego on a train, a metro, and a trolley… And I have to say it was kind of fun. The morning started out on the Pacific Liner down in San Diego at 7:10am. Luckily it was pretty empty so I got a row to myself with a prime window that would look out on the ocean when we drove by. As soon as I got on I also noticed that it not only had seat trays, a foot rest, but it also had a plug so I could power up my phone and computer. YAY… and internet access when I connected to random wireless along the route! Though I didn’t get to use it that much since rafter a weekend of not getting enough sleep I was passed out before we started and woke up with only about 45 min left on the ride… double YAY.

When I got off the train in LA I realized that I still wasn’t able to get a hold of anyone to pick me up so I though- I’ll take the metro, that sounds like fun, right?! And actually it was. I took the Metro Red Line to North Hollywood and was unbelievably clean, fast, and air-conditioned! Within 15 minutes I was at the North Hollywood Station, followed the signs across the street and immediately boarded this trolley/bus hybrid (the Orange Metroliner). And once again it was unbelievably clean, fast and air-conditioned. The only part of the adventure that wasn’t clean, fast and air-conditioned was my walk from the Metroliner stop home

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Monkey jumping in my bed...

Over the years people have to come to know my currents and ex’s, almost as intimately as I have, through my blogs… they have their favorites, the ones they hate, the ones they root for (upon talking to my mother that Mr. Green seems to be sprinting ahead of the pack her response was: “But what about Mr. Disney”… didn’t even know she read my blogs!) and even the ones that they love to watch fail (as I found out on all the laughter of Mr. Arizona’s current predicament). And since more often than not I’m complaining about an ex, I thought I’d share the current ex that is amusing me the most- Mr. X, of course. Now he’s been in India for a week and a half, and as a joke I asked him to bring me back a monkey. In fact have told him that the only way that he will find his way back into my bedroom when he returns from India will be if he brings me that said monkey… and so last week the pictures of Monkeys began. And I have to say I get a smile on my face when once a day I get new pictures of monkey… so I thought I would share with you my favorite pictures so that maybe you too can have a smile on your face (the best is the one where you can see him also taking the picture on his I-phone and it looks like the monkey’s about to attack him!)

Enjoy my monkeys!

Destination Dating

Over the last week I’ve spent some time getting to know Mr. Green a little bit better. Which has been hard seeing as I live in Los Angeles and he lives in San Diego, and was even further away in Las Vegas for a long weekend. So “getting to know” mainly consisted of emails, myspacing, facebooking, iming, and drunk text messaging… which you know is never a good thing early on when you are trying to get to know someone! And which of course lead me to where I am right now- Early Monday morning on the train coming up from San Diego. Oh yes, after a weekend of drunken texting we decided to make date number two in San Diego… Some thing decided while he was drunk on Friday night and I was exhausted from too many birthday celebrations. The timing worked out perfectly, I would be able to drive down with friends that were in town on Sunday afternoon and then take the train back up on Monday morning (his treat of course!)… So really having nothing to lose, I hoped into the car with my girls for a road trip and jaunted down for the day.

Now I came down to San Diego on Sunday with little expectations. After all we don’t really know each other yet, he’s a proven player (and as I was reminded by a friend Saturday I myself have spent the summer enjoying dating and the single life a little too much), the younger brother of one of my guy friends, 4 years younger than me and way too similar to the type of guys that I usually date- which we all know always ends up in a ball of flame somewhere down the line. But once again Mr. Green surprised me and we had a great time on what can only be described another unconventional date. The first one was a 25 hour whirlwind in Los Angeles and Disneyland and the 2nd one turned out to be 12 hours in San Diego consisting of: meeting him at the airport with his brother (since his flight was an hour delayed getting out of Vegas), dinner (Thai food, cute place, extra points for sharing food), watching the sun set over the ocean in Pacific Beach (another extra point for indulging me in my romantic notions and keeping me warm), doing his laundry (very romantic I know, but I was there in the only 12 hour window he had between playing with the boys in Vegas and a working trip in Chicago so we didn’t deduct points for that one), a jaunt to La Jolla to pick up my stuff from a friend (and his third set of points for not complaining about going especially since there was the possibility of me getting us lost finding her place) and then finally back to his place to watch a movie and pass out after a long exhausting weekend. Not your conventional date, but a memorable one none-the less. And this morning after a quick trip to Starbucks he dropped me off at the train before heading to the airport himself. And with a smile on my face I sit here enjoying a nice relaxing train ride back up North thinking that maybe there is something to this destination dating after all! This morning we discussed the possibility of date number three being down in Dana Point. Halfway between our two cities, and right on the water so we can kayak to the tide pools and explore some caves up around Laguna… The only question is- can two people from two far away cities who both have commitment issues manage to throw caution to the wind and actual try dating? I don’t know the answer to that one yet, and for once I’m going to take my time before jumping into anything, but for now I sure am going to enjoy finding out that answer!

Monkey jumping on my bed!

Over the years people have to come to know my currents and ex’s, almost as intimately as I have, through my blogs… they have their favorites, the ones they hate, the ones they root for (upon talking to my mother that Mr. Green seems to be sprinting ahead of the pack her response was: “But what about Mr. Disney”… didn’t even know she read my blogs!) and even the ones that they love to watch fail (as I found out on all the laughter of Mr. Arizona’s current predicament). And since more often than not I’m complaining about an ex, I thought I’d share the current ex that is amusing me the most- Mr. X, of course. Now he’s been in India for a week and a half, and as a joke I asked him to bring me back a monkey. In fact have told him that the only way that he will find his way back into my bedroom when he returns from India will be if he brings me that said monkey… and so last week the pictures of Monkeys began. And I have to say I get a smile on my face when once a day I get new pictures of monkey… so I thought I would share with you my favorite pictures so that maybe you too can have a smile on your face (the best is the one where you can see him also taking the picture on his I-phone and it looks like the monkey’s about to attack him!)Enjoy my monkeys!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Once upon a time...

Now we all know how much I love birthdays, especially mine. And every year I kind of try and one up myself with how to celebrate it… but if you had told me that I would start celebrating this years with a whirlwind 24 hour first date I would have laughed at you… if you had then told me that it would be with someone I went to Green Elementary with, I would have known you were making something up. Add the fact that he’s the younger brother of one of my friends would put you maybe in the crazy category. And if you had told me that I had only previously hung out with him for roughly 30 minutes 2 months ago, and that he would drive up from San Diego to go to Disneyland than I would have said you were insane… But I would definitely have had you committed if you had told me I had a fantastic time! But it would be the truth…So here is a top ten list from one of the most fun first dates… and seeing as he does occasionally read my blogs (as does his brother!) I can’t kiss and tell (though he did ask that I put in that the first kiss was on Mr. Toads Wild Ride!) here are the 10 highlights of my date with Mr. Green:

10) ROCK BAND- The previous evening he was given the choice of a night out at crazy trendy LA hotspots or staying in and playing Rock Band with 7 of my girlfriends. And he actually chose to stay in and geek it out with the rest of us. First point in his favor!

9) Getting stuck right at the end of the Haunted Mansion. Seriously we were at the exit but couldn’t get off the ride! Too funny… and such my luck. Though we found a way to pass the time…

8) My fortune(s) at the candy store… First fortune- NO FORTUNE. Wasted 50 cents to be told I have no Fortune… like I needed that prediction. Ok I thought I’ll try another fortune teller. I listened while the girl in front of me read hers, all about how she’s about the meet the man of her dreams… yes I thought, this one’s my machine! And guess what came out: NOTHING once again!!! Seriously I’m even cursed at Disneyland.

7) Turkey Leg- ok it tasted like ham and the skin was nasty… but seriously who on a date has a leg of meat the size of their head! Though the McDonalds French fries were a close second! Junk food- YAY!

6) Being only 2 people- seriously here’s a plus for being a couple, we got to skip ahead in all the lines… YAY! And fast pass works great, except you can’t get more than one at a time! But oddly enough the lines weren’t too bad, and although we did miss Space Mountain we at least got to ride everything else at least once!

5) Pirates Lair on Tom Sawyer Island- Ok this is possibly the best thing ever- caves, treasures, bridges, a tree house, a boat ride… And although I realize that it’s really just for the kids, it’s also fun for those kids at heart.

4) Watching him get heckled at the Sword and the Stone… nothing like watching your date get emasculated in front of a bunch of kids to really make you smile.

3) Poison Apple Shots from the bartender at Downtown Disney. So I made the mistake of asking the bartender to make me a really fun shot with a horrible Disney name- oh my! 3 shots later and we were DRUNK!

2) Having someone equally as geeky to geek it out with me! Nothing would have been worse than having someone look at me like I was crazy as I skipped and bounced my way through the park. And although he did tease me like crazy he allowed me to turn into the 6 year old Disney Princess that I have hidden inside me… letting me stalk characters, take pictures of me and EVERYTHING, ride my favorite rides twice, share junk food with me all day, go with me to Snow Whites’ Castle and my wishing well but basically just put up with a smiley, giggly, loud, spastic, childish me! He got mad props for making it through the entire day!

1) And the top thing on the list would be getting my birthday wish under the fireworks… but sorry guys that story is just for me!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

525,600 Minutes... how do you measure a year in MY life?

As I sit here on the eve of my birthday I got to thinking about this last year… All the changes. Some subtle…some dramatic. All the events, places I’ve visited, people I’ve met, boys I’ve loved, friends I’ve lost… It’s been a wild and crazy ride!

I should have known that my year was going to be topsy turvy- after all it got kick started in July with amazing events and a tragedy or two… A trip to Arizona with Alissa for my birthday started out awesome- can’t kiss and tell for her but let’s just say between the two of us it ended up with multiple guys, lots and lots of shots (plus some Donkey Drunk Love Punch Juice- don’t ask!), some dancing, a little vomiting in a bar, a lot of making out, and an offer to get a hotel room down the street to finish the party! But the evening of insanity was followed by a morning of sadness as I got the call from one of my parents best friends who couldn’t wake up her husband… so they day was spent watching their granddaughter as my mother dealt with their relatives and my father helped deal with the coroner (thanks Alissa for helping me sit even though you were hungover as hell! We returned to LA for a birthday brunch filled with Mimosas and surfing kicking off the actual day and with a party to follow with all my closest and dearest... even a few birthday friends up from San Diego and down from San Francisco (one, Mr. High School even became another “Mr.” on my list!) Everything seemed right to kick off another great year. And then 2 weeks later I broke my nose surfing and I think everything kind of went down hill from there! Though around that time my future boyfriend was born, so all in all not too bad of a month… that poor kid will grow up with me as his Aunt and his future girlfriends will get the line “But I got to hold him when he was only a few hours old!”

August found me with a new nose and down in San Diego for two trips- even won 6 dollars at the race track- Thanks Erika for putting up with my insane happiness over 6 dollars! Back in Los Angeles after finishing up on Cloverfield I started working for this INSANE producer, and the wild ride began again! But mainly the month was spent in the sun, not surfing since I couldn’t but laying around trying to get that damn bump to go down!

September came and went without too much excitement, a few boys came and went but as my mom likes to say- No one to write home about! I did do my first Marathon- well sort of. I did the Boston Walking Marathon (trust me I think it’s harder to walk the marathon route than it is to run it! That heartbreak hill is a KILLER!) and in October I finally headed back to New York, but this time unfortunately for the funeral of one of the greatest woman I know… While I was there I got to visit the old NYU haunts and hang out with my east coast friends Sara and Jenny that I never get to see and spend a little time over at the New York Film Festival where the bane of my existence was being premiered!

November was a sad month for me- the trusty Blazer went up in smoke! Luckily I was able to upgrade to my sexy Escape! And somewhere around August I reconnected with Mr. Wyoming but lucky around the time I got my car we see him exit for good!

December was good and bad to me. I headed back to Ohio and Arizona for Christmas. It was a really horrible trip- and I had given up liquor to fit into a bikini for Hawaii so it was doubly horribly!!! And at this junction we finally see the exit of Mr. Arizona… and for all of you that have been following my saga with him over the years you might be interested in knowing he should have a new name now- Mr. Wisconsin and Mr. Father! But thankfully I am not the girl he got pregnant (though not for lack of trying while I was home for Christmas) and he has moved back home with his “fiancée”, is unemployed and living in his father’s house. As my Dad put it- I sure did dodge a bullet with that one! But I digress… back to my recap! Right after Arizona I was able to leave for what I thought was 7 days in heaven (AKA the Big Island of Hawaii with Janice and Stitz… and the Boomers! Oh it was heaven all right, but we got stuck for 11 days in heaven and were only able to leave the Island after buying another airplane ticket- this time a very expensive one! But while I was there I got to swim, snorkel, hike, rock climb, hike rain forests and active volcanoes, play with turtles and babies, lay in the sun, hitch hike with crazy locals and tourists, sip champagne and skinny dip for New Years and basically just enjoy the best life has to offer (It was an amazing trip… only to be toped by Jamaica in 2 months!)

Now the start of the New Year and the last 6 months have kind of passed in a blur… Everyone is sick of hearing about Mr. NakedBartender and frankly I’m so sick of talking about him… so if you want the recap read the numerous blogs but basically fell in love, found out he was cheating on me with everything that move (and trust me some of them were DOGS), had his ex/current mistress go crazy and accuse me of everything under the sun, then got posted topless on craigslist with my actual phone number under the erotic services section, got my heart broken, but then finally fell out of love with him. But he wasn’t a total loss… I did get to go to Vegas and check off two things on my list of things to do (get caught having sex in a National Park… and the girl who hate’s BJ’s got to give one while NakedBartender was driving my car down the Sunset Strip- hey when a man says I love you and you are drunk everything seems like a good idea!)… We also had a horrible trip to Chicago- and although it rained I would have loved to enjoy the city but instead got stuck in the hotel with a grumpy male that only wanted to complain about everything in life… And I will have to use my Dad’s expression about him here too: You really dodged a bullet with that one too! And as you know around this time came the return of two ex’s- Mr. Baby R and Mr. Brazil… this first was a short visit and the second is here to stay. And oddly am actually missing him now that he’s in India for the rest of the summer- but hey at least I get pictures of Monkeys!

And just when I though things couldn’t get worse than unemployed and exposed on the internet I managed to deal myself the worst blow- with a shot and a lemon I managed to get myself Salmonella Poisoning! And 3 weeks and 4 different medications later I’m still trying to recover… but am looking forward to the last year of my 20’s! I spent last weekend relaxing with old friends, drinking one too many beers (and taste testing my Vodkas), swimming in the pool (plus a water gun fight or two), playing rock band (like the spastic retard that I am) and enjoying life on the 4th! This week I’ve planed an insane time to celebrate the start of the end… Vodka tasting (and requisite Rock band) tonight, Disneyland tomorrow (with fireworks. YAY!), Surfing and Margaritas at the Beach on Thursday, SAKE BOMING Thursday night with my girls to celebrate my yearly milestone, and then Saturday my girls from Green and Uni are coming up for an afternoon of fun by the pool and a night out for my birthday!

All in all it’s been an insane year… but haven’t they all been! But let me tell you, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at the moment. I’ve got some great friends in my life (and even some awesome guys I can rely on!). A trip to Jamaica planed in September and hopefully a float trip at the end of the month. I’m once again wearing a bridesmaid dress in August at the wedding of my closest friend since 2nd grade… and who care that I’m going dateless! Erika and my parents are accompanying me, and we plan to drink and dance the night away! So I’m ready to turn 29… optimistic, hopefully, and dare I say it- HAPPY!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Must love Hardt.

Over the weekend I got to thinking about peoples types… It’s funny how people always gravitate to a certain type of guy or girl. For some people it might be the brainy type, or skinny, or fat, stupid blondes, jocks, geeks, surfers, video game fanatics, treckies…. Whatever your type is there are at least 10 people out there who fit what you are looking for. And for some reason we just keep dating that same type without really branching out and trying something new. And although the grass is always greener… what if there really isn’t something better out there! And so we keep on dating and dating, with the hopes of finding our needle in the haystack all the while sticking with that same straw!

Last night I was describing to someone my usual “dating” type. And it got me to wondering, do I only go for those guys because I’m use to dating them… or do they gravitate towards me because they know I’m there type also. Because really I’ve just dated the same person over and over again. So the question is how do I blend who I should be dating with who I want to date? Because obviously who I usually am dating really isn’t working for me! And really what am I looking for in a guy?
- Responsible Adult (yea I know that would seem like a given… but given my recent boyfriends it’s not! Ideally in his late 20’s/ early 30’s… I’m done dating the guys trying to figure out their life.
- Tall, Thin and Muscular… I was recently told that I need to give up on my ideal looks in a guy, and specifically that those bodies fade. But hey if I’m putting down what my ideal is than that’s it! But I’ve also learned lately that perfection is boring! I’m not looking for perfect…. Just perfect to me!
- College Educated. Sorry boys that’s a requirement. I like having lively debates, I like discussing politics and I love someone who can put me in my place. At the same time I also think we learned more than just what our professors were teaching us in college. College is where you start to form the real friendships that last through our life… That safe environment shapes who we later become in life. Without I think a lot of people are searching for answers… and although I think that’s fantastic, I don’t want to date that person anymore!
- Adventurous… He’s gotta love surfing and hiking with me. If the guy doesn’t like water and sand than he doesn’t have a chance! Plus I think only a guy who is willing to jump off a bridge, go white water rafting, running with the bulls or scuba diving with the stingrays on the spur of the moment would keep me interested for 50 years. Because that’s what I’m looking for- 50 years, not 50 days!
- Career Driven. Nothing is sexier than a guy who is ambitious. I also need someone who understands when I can’t make it home for dinner because we are shooting late, or when I need to work weekends to get caught up.
- Family Oriented. It’s taken me a long time to admit this, but I’m ready to settle down with a family. Not today, not tomorrow… but at the same time not too far into the future. So if you don’t want children or need to wait another 10 years, keep moving because we won’t work out. At the same time he needs to be involved with his own family. I know it’s horrible to say, but I can’t date someone else who has family issues- wither it be with a father, mother, sister, brother, cousin… whoever! I’m not your therapist and I’m not your quick fix!
- Core group of friends. I know this seems like an odd one. But it’s a deal breaker for me now. A guy without his guys has issues… or even a guy with a lot of new friends. There is a reason that he can’t keep his ties for long, and most likely won’t be able to get a girlfriend for long either… my friends are my life force and I also need someone to understand that! And accept that I have my Tuesday night dinners, and sometimes he just won’t be invited to them.
- Must be outgoing and social… I love going out. A great party on a Saturday night is one of the great things in life. Going out, dressing up, having fun… that’s part of my life… and with my career choice will always be part of my life. At the same time, I don’t want him to be too social! I don’t need him looking for “friends” in chat rooms, getting arrested halfway across the US or partying until the sun comes up. At the same time must also enjoy a Friday night in watching movies or a Sunday morning in bed drinking Mimosas.
- But I guess the most important thing is he must love me. Not love who he thinks I am or who he thinks I will be. But loves me. Me at my worst. The grumpy, demanding, whiny, solitary, spastic, loud, overbearing, crazy, dorky me. The me who spends way too much time on my computer. Too many hours dissecting my belly. Gets depressed when the scale goes up… and giddy when it goes down. Loves my family and my friends… and how disgustingly close I am to both of them. Accepts that I too am not perfect… but that we are perfectly imperfect for each other.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Summer Nights...

I’m the queen of introducing new guys to my friends way too early… usually it ends up being drinks with the girls, or dinner with a friend who just happens to be in from out of town, or a birthday that I just can’t get out of. But secretly I like to get my friends opinions on my dates early on… not that I always take their advice, but I like getting it! So it really shouldn’t come to too much surprise to me that guys do that same. But I was a little surprised to find myself being the one to be introduced to the good friends a little early! Last Sunday Mr. Disney invited me to a BBQ two of his friends were having… I was envisioning a large group of people, a BBQ and some beers. Very relaxed, chill and not intimidating. What I ended up attending was a dinner party. With only 1 other guest besides Mr. Disney, Myself and the couple hosting it. Turns out I was invited to his version of my Tuesday Night Dinner with Lisa and Brian! And after a moment of surprised, I had a glass of wine (and then a bottle) and went with the flow. Surprisingly I had a fantastic time. They were all really cool, educated (we had a lively debate on the new supreme court decision against death penalty for child rapists) and very similar to most of my friends. And equally surprising was the fact that not only were they welcoming but everyone really went out of there way to make me feel part of the group. And when they did start to tell stories and updates on their friends they made sure to give me a background story on the friend before proceeding. So we spent the evening drinking, eating, laughing, and basically just enjoying a perfect Sunday night in Santa Monica. And at the end of the night I have to say Mr. Disney was starting to win me over. Now I don’t know if the was because I did love his friends, or the amount of wine that we all had consumed or just maybe he really is a nice guy after all. But for once I’m not rushing things like I have in the past… and personally I’m enjoying just taking my time and getting to know someone. Who knows what will happen in the future… but for now I’m fine with a nice dinner with friends, some wine, and a sweet kiss goodnight.