I live my life as an open book… I post most days on my blog, I update my status practically every hour on myspace and facebook, I call ALL of my friends whenever I have a problem or good news or just want to talk and I usually solicit advice from everyone from my parents on down to the butcher… but sometimes a little silence is nice. When I’m having a bad day, it isn’t helpful to hear that I’ve once again screwed up. Or after a job interview that I desperately need to be told that it’s just a waste of time for me to take a job like that. Or when a boy disappoints that it’s ok, I shouldn’t care anyway. Or when I’m grumpy and in a bad mood to just be asked why are you so negative lately… Because sometimes I’m just grumpy. And trust me, I’m well aware that I’ve screwed up (once again). Maybe I just can’t get anything better right now. And so what if I do care!
I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking poor baby you are complaining because people care enough about you to ask questions, and try and help… but I’m allowed to just have a bad day sometimes… and let me tell you today is just one of them. And I love that all my friends are always there, always asking, always trying to help, always having suggestions on how to bail myself out of another mess. But really, sometimes I want to not have to rely on someone else. Sometimes I really just want to be able to get out of that mess myself. To not have to be bailed out once again… and some times I just want to be able to bury myself in my apartment and have a really good cry. And I know that I’ve been taking things out on my poor friends that are just trying to help… but it just seems the more everyone wants to help me the worse I feel about myself. Which I know is incredibly selfish of me but sometimes when everyone is trying to help out they are just reminding me of everything I don’t have, which right now seems like a lot. But like I said today is just one of those bad days… and I’m sure tomorrow I will wake up with the birds chirping and my smile will have returned on my face. But for now I’m going to hole up in my apartment, finish cleaning the mess that it became over the weekend, have a good cry and be thankful for everything that I do have in my life, including all my wonderful friends who really do just want the best for me and would lay down on the tracks to help the train from running me over! So just ignore me when I’m grumpy and snappy today… and next time you get in a mood (as we all get in them) I too will ignore the snapping come my direction.
I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking poor baby you are complaining because people care enough about you to ask questions, and try and help… but I’m allowed to just have a bad day sometimes… and let me tell you today is just one of them. And I love that all my friends are always there, always asking, always trying to help, always having suggestions on how to bail myself out of another mess. But really, sometimes I want to not have to rely on someone else. Sometimes I really just want to be able to get out of that mess myself. To not have to be bailed out once again… and some times I just want to be able to bury myself in my apartment and have a really good cry. And I know that I’ve been taking things out on my poor friends that are just trying to help… but it just seems the more everyone wants to help me the worse I feel about myself. Which I know is incredibly selfish of me but sometimes when everyone is trying to help out they are just reminding me of everything I don’t have, which right now seems like a lot. But like I said today is just one of those bad days… and I’m sure tomorrow I will wake up with the birds chirping and my smile will have returned on my face. But for now I’m going to hole up in my apartment, finish cleaning the mess that it became over the weekend, have a good cry and be thankful for everything that I do have in my life, including all my wonderful friends who really do just want the best for me and would lay down on the tracks to help the train from running me over! So just ignore me when I’m grumpy and snappy today… and next time you get in a mood (as we all get in them) I too will ignore the snapping come my direction.
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