And then the string snapped.

I’m going to start by saying I’M SICK OF HAVING SHITTY DAYS… ok maybe I’m yelling it. At the top of my lungs. With a very large class of wine in my hands. But seriously people this has been another shitty day. Actually most of the day was great… and then of course something happened. Like it always does. And then all of a sudden, shitty. So here is my list of everything that I am sick of right now… and I know that when I post things everyone thinks I’m talking about them, but the truth of the matter is I’m usually not. And no this isn’t about YOU. I love you. I think you are amazing. Of course you didn’t make me cry. Why would you think I was mad at you? Though now that you are bringing it up is there a reason why you think I’m talking about you? Are you feeling guilty for something? Yea I know I do that too… and yea I get it you are sick of listening to me complain about THAT. But really this isn’t about you. It’s about them. So here it is…

I am sick of…
-Feeling like shit
-Customers. Enough said.
-Being treated like a hooker, piece of ass, striper, dumb blonde (I have a freakin BFA from one of the top universities in this country for goodness sake)
-Having my breasts talked to…I have eyes in my head not just nipples on my breasts.
-My stomach… for God Sake I work out every freakin day why isn’t it going away!
-Not having money… and having to have my friends buy me coffee, lunch, alcohol, food, whatever. I love you all for it but I just feel like shit every time I have to say- I can’t afford that.
-Putting gas into my car. It might be cheap now but I feel like I am still throwing money away left and right for it.
-Crying… seriously it use to be cute that I cried at the drop of a hat, now it seems like all I do is cry.
-Falling in love with men who don’t give a flying rat’s ass about me.
-Not having internet or cable right now. I just want to curl up on my couch and not have to be squatting in the only corner in my room that I sometimes good internet at.
-Being misunderstood. Also can add people reading my blogs and then being mad at me. I’M SORRY I need a place to vent.
-Being made to feel like shit because I don’t have a boyfriend, a child, a white picket fence…
-Not having a job. This is ri-god-damn-diculous at this point. HIRE ME SOMEONE, ANYONE!
-Being the better person. For once I’d just like to say- No, fuck you.
-Giving the milk away for free!
-Not being able to sleep, this dark circle really pale vampire look isn’t doing much for me these days.
-Not being able to drink much because it only makes me feel worse.
-Contacts. Why can’t glasses look sexy on me!!!
-Not being able to let go.
-Having to get a bikini wax every 3 weeks but expected to be ok with you just “trimming” occasionally… sorry buddy suck it up and wax that shit off too!
-Being called too emotionally. Yea I do have feelings, what of it.
-Caring too much about all the wrong people.
-Having to settle.
-Being considered a bitch.
-Being someones second choice, back up place, fuck buddy, botty call, doormat, sounding board, bed warmer, seat filler, arm candy, cheerleader...
-Not only feeling like a failure but actually being one.
-Having to start making plans to move home.
-Everyone thinking this has all been about some guy… sometimes this is just about ME. Not a relationship. Not a friendship. Not some asshole that doesn’t deserve my time. But me… just little old me.
-That I’m slowly becoming bitter.
-Worrying about my mom every time she coughs. What I wouldn’t give to just know that she’s going to be ok.
-Being scared. Of many things.
-Being told I have too much experience… why that isn’t an asset!
-Everyone telling me I told you so… yea I know I don’t make the best decisions some time, but honestly either do you.
-Being told that this is temporary. That it will get better. That something amazing is just around the corner. To give it time. Be patient. That God works in mysterious ways. That the most amazing things are in store for me. That this is all for the best. That in 6 months I’m going to look back and laugh… Here’s the thing. Life kind of sucks right now. For many reasons. Some are on the blog. Some are listed in this list. And some I can’t even say out loud but just think of as I cry myself to sleep some nights. Yea I know things are going to get better. And yea things could be so much worse. And I know that many of my friends are going through things that I can’t even imagine. That it’s pathetic that I could even complain about some of these. And that I should be happy with what I have left. But some days it’s hard to see it that way. When some days you are holding on by a very thin string and then that string just snaps, you don’t want to hear about better days… you just want a very large glass of wine, an endless supply of Kleenex and a comfy bed to curl up in… and today is just one of those days.