Some memories are better left forgotten…

I’m in the process of getting my blogs together to get them published… which when I started to think about seemed like an easy process. After all, they already are all written, all posted and I’ve even gotten feed back on most of them. But what I didn’t take into account is that when it came time to editing and putting them together I would have to go back in time to when they were written. So many people have come in and out of my life, and so many ex’s have come and gone but trying to get back into the mindset of when I first met them, fell in love, had my heartbroken has been one of the toughest things for me… because really some memories and some feelings are better left behind. And with some of them it feels like my heart is breaking all over again…

That being said, I thought I would share with you a blog from roughly 3 years ago. Many of you have only started to read the blogs in the last couple of months… and I drop the names of many of my ex’s and always get people asking for a little more details about many of them… here is the one I’ve been trying to get through for the last couple of days. It’s taken me that long because it’s really hard to remind myself of who we use to be and the potential that I saw in him. Here is before Mr. Arizona broke my heart, before I learned that he got his current fiancé pregnant while we were still sleeping together, back when he was part of my family, when he had a standing seat at the dinner table for every holiday and before he walked out of my life for good. Let me take you back to November 2005:

THE WAITING GAME
November 25, 2005

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.ALEX KAREV- GRAY’S ANATOMY

Now I’m usually one for jumping into bed first and asking questions later… The whole principle of, if he is going to really want to date me than sleeping together is not going to change that. But you might be surprised that there is someone who I have waited for. In fact we waited exactly 2 years and 1 day to sleep together- not that I’m counting or anything ;) And let me just say that it was well worth the wait. But now I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back two years…

Mr. Arizona and I had been hearing about each other for years… and we had it pounded into our heads that we were perfect for each other. Of course I was extremely doubtful. After all I had been told I was perfect for many guys and only ended up going on some of the worst blind dates of my life. So two years ago when he came to Thanksgiving I was in a relationship and he was living with his girlfriend so luckily it wasn’t a set up. But have you ever met someone that you just sparked with?! It’s hard to explain… But sometimes you met someone who you just click with, someone who you could see spending the rest of your life with. But we both were with people so we had a fantastic weekend of flirtation and that was it. Of course as soon as he was single he called, and I of course still wasn’t. And then I was single and he wasn’t. And so we went on. Always having bad timing… But a love affair began nun the less…

Which leads me to last year’s thanksgiving. Now last year I was going through the first (of many) break-up with Mr. Wyoming and wasn’t thinking straight. And he was back together with his girlfriend… But the moment he walked into the room I knew we were in trouble. We both knew it. Instead of that spark going away it had multiplied and was crackling between us…and after way too many shots we kissed. And kissed. And kissed. But that’s it… and since we live in different states that should have been the end of it. Of course it wasn’t. And over the last year we have seen each other a handful of times… Spent endless sleepless nights on the phone… texted each other gazillions of times…But every time we went out it’s been bad timing and we haven’t had sex. He eventually did break up with the girlfriend but things always got in the way and somehow I had become the "everything but" girl.

And then last Friday happened. We finally had the sex… and usually when you wait for something for so long it’s a complete disaster. But this time it wasn’t. The sexual tension added to that amazing chemistry and made the night fan-fucking-tastic… Now if we lived in the same city this would be the time when you would see “and they lived happily ever after”… But as we all know things don’t work out that way in real life. And seeing as I love LA and will probably never leave and he hates it here more than anything and even wants to move back to Wisconsin some day. Things are just never going to really work out between us. Now we will try like we always do… the text messages and late night chats have already started… plus a little phone sex to spice it up…. And we will still see each other on and off when I am back in Arizona but a true relationship can never happened. But in the end maybe that is the best way. Because instead of us hurting each other and ended up hating one another, now we will just have great memories… And one night of perfect sex to remember when we are old.