There are things that are appropriate to email to an ex, “Too bad you aren’t around, all I want to do is crawl into bed with you” is NOT one of them. But for those of you just tuning in let me recap Mr. Wyoming and I so you can understand why I was so offended by that. We had met years ago while working on a stunt show up at Universal. At the time I was dating Mr. Ex, and I knew that Mr. Wyoming was interested in dating me. But I basically just used him to make Mr. Ex jealous. Meaning we would hang out, I would flirt but that was about the extent of our relationship. Mr. Wyoming and I met again a year later during one of my many break offs with Mr. Ex. We ran into each other at a bar and the rest is as they say, history. We were inseparable for months, things settled nicely into a great relationship until his grandfather passed away. While he was back in Wyoming for the funeral his mother started her campaign to break us up, I know this because she actually told me this one day while she answered his phone… and I’m not too proud of this, but I took it as a challenge and did my best to make sure he came back to LA and back to me. And after quite a few late night phone calls and a few naked pictures he was back in my bed. The only problem is that we were jinxed from the start, he only came back top LA to be with me. And we all know that never works out… About a week later his father flew out here… now I’m a little fuzzy on all the details, I’ve finally been able to put together most of what happened… but turns out his family didn’t think he was helping his acting career by playing around with me, so they gave him an option. They would continue to fund his attempt to become an actor or he could continue to date me. Turns out money really does talk, because I was the one kicked out the door.
Now this is where the story should have ended… but it doesn’t. Instead it follows years of us breaking up and getting back together. Many many late night fights. Lot of late night visits. And a few explosions. The final one happened last November when I finally kicked him out of my bed and my life for good. Our last contact was an extremely long email. I made it very clear that I wanted him out of my life, and it was something he has respected until this week. This week I woke up to an email in my inbox from him. Just two lines, nothing much. And I responded very vaguely hoping that this would be the end of it. But after a couple emails he did what he always does- invite me out. This time it was to Porn Star Karaoke. Yes you read that right. Yes it is karaoke. Yes there are porn stars. No I did not go… but after I rejected that idea, he suggested drinks this week. And I exaggerated and told him I was already down in San Diego but maybe drinks when things settle down… to which I received his drunken email… Telling an ex, who has expressed preference to never see you again, that you want to crawl into bed with her, is really not the best idea.
And as upset as I was that he would even think that it was ok to send that, I was even more infuriated with myself that over the years I have led him to believe that something like that is ok. That I’ve been ok being friends with benefits, and that I’ve had so little respect for myself in the past to allow that to happen… though the more I thought about it the more I thought, is that really in the past? The Mr. Wyoming part yes. But the rest of it, maybe not. I sit here this morning curled up in Mr. Green’s bed after yet another night in San Diego. Because really am I not just going on the same path once again? That was never more apparent than it was last night. When we were dating I was excited to meet Mr. Green’s friends, I thought they were great and usually had fun with them. In fact I really enjoyed being out as part of a couple. But last night while hanging out with one of his friends I was actually embarrassed. Embarrassed that his friends know that I have been driving down to see him. Embarrassed that his friends know that I'm not the only one in his life, but probably also know the other girls that he dates and the other girl that he’s been sleeping with. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve been having a great time with him… We both enjoy each others company. Our sex is better than ever. And one of the best parts is that there haven’t been any expectations. None of those where is this heading discussions or why don't you want to be in a relationship arguments. Instead I’ve been able to finally enjoy just being with him. But it turns out maybe just being with him isn’t enough. Because embarrassment shouldn't be the first thing you feel in a morning...
Now this is where the story should have ended… but it doesn’t. Instead it follows years of us breaking up and getting back together. Many many late night fights. Lot of late night visits. And a few explosions. The final one happened last November when I finally kicked him out of my bed and my life for good. Our last contact was an extremely long email. I made it very clear that I wanted him out of my life, and it was something he has respected until this week. This week I woke up to an email in my inbox from him. Just two lines, nothing much. And I responded very vaguely hoping that this would be the end of it. But after a couple emails he did what he always does- invite me out. This time it was to Porn Star Karaoke. Yes you read that right. Yes it is karaoke. Yes there are porn stars. No I did not go… but after I rejected that idea, he suggested drinks this week. And I exaggerated and told him I was already down in San Diego but maybe drinks when things settle down… to which I received his drunken email… Telling an ex, who has expressed preference to never see you again, that you want to crawl into bed with her, is really not the best idea.
And as upset as I was that he would even think that it was ok to send that, I was even more infuriated with myself that over the years I have led him to believe that something like that is ok. That I’ve been ok being friends with benefits, and that I’ve had so little respect for myself in the past to allow that to happen… though the more I thought about it the more I thought, is that really in the past? The Mr. Wyoming part yes. But the rest of it, maybe not. I sit here this morning curled up in Mr. Green’s bed after yet another night in San Diego. Because really am I not just going on the same path once again? That was never more apparent than it was last night. When we were dating I was excited to meet Mr. Green’s friends, I thought they were great and usually had fun with them. In fact I really enjoyed being out as part of a couple. But last night while hanging out with one of his friends I was actually embarrassed. Embarrassed that his friends know that I have been driving down to see him. Embarrassed that his friends know that I'm not the only one in his life, but probably also know the other girls that he dates and the other girl that he’s been sleeping with. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve been having a great time with him… We both enjoy each others company. Our sex is better than ever. And one of the best parts is that there haven’t been any expectations. None of those where is this heading discussions or why don't you want to be in a relationship arguments. Instead I’ve been able to finally enjoy just being with him. But it turns out maybe just being with him isn’t enough. Because embarrassment shouldn't be the first thing you feel in a morning...
No comments:
Post a Comment