Once again I bring you Hardt Vs Cosmo… this month we will tackle questions from the magazine and questions from you my loyal readers… and seeing as my romantic life has gone into hibernation I thought that I better at least give you SOMETHING to giggle about!
Our Qualifications to give you, my readers, sex and relationship advice:
Our Qualifications to give you, my readers, sex and relationship advice:
Cosmopolitan Magazine: 1st launched in 1886 as a family magazine, Cosmo now is the top selling woman’s magazine, with 58 international additions, printed in 34 languages, in over 100 countries.
Miss Hardt: Me. As you know I’m 29, single but have had more relationships (and relations) than are really necessary, and have tried pretty much all the positions in Cosmo so really I am the sex expert of “us”.
1) In my dating life, sex ruins everything! What am I doing wrong?
Cosmo says: I feel like a Grandma saying- Hold off honey! But maybe you should, at least until you are dating exclusively. You’ve got to try something different- or you’ll keep getting the same results.
Hardt says: And I can’t believe I’m going to say this- but for once I agree with Cosmo and Grandma. Here’s the thing, if you are just looking for fun I say run out and have all the sex you want. But if you are looking for a relationship than I would advise holding out for a bit. That being said, I often don’t take my own advice (ok I never take my own advice when it comes to waiting) and I have fallen into the trap one too many times of being stuck in the rut of dating or becoming fuck buddies with someone I would actually want to be in a relationship with. Though on the flip side I have friends that have waited, and it hasn’t worked out for them either. So really the best advice is to wait until it feels comfortable. When it’s right it doesn’t matter if you have sex too soon or make them wait!
2) I don’t like giving oral sex, but he does. I want to return the favor, so I’m hoping there is a trick to liking it more.
Cosmo says: You’re not alone if the act feels more like work than play. I hear woman complain about the gag issue a lot, I tell them to use their hands to control how much they are taking into their mouths. That stuff you see in porn of woman taking the whole thing in, unnecessary.
Hardt says: If it feels like work than make it more fun. I personally avoid giving blow jobs, mainly because I don’t feel I’m that good at them and maybe because I just am a bit lazy. But the trick I’ve learned is that if you take the blow jobs out of the box and make them more exciting, it doesn’t matter if you aren’t the best at it, it will become fun to you. For example: I’ve found that the angle while in a car is actually kind of fun, so give it a try while he is driving down the Vegas Strip or on the way home as a “thank you” for putting time in at a wedding with you. Take it out of the bedroom and make it your own. Trust me this is an event he will definitely be RSVP’ing to!
3) Advice to guys: The 4 sex moves she wants more of
Cosmo says: More Kissing (A longer warm-up act heightens anticipation and can make an even steamier main event), Soft Caressing (Men often forget that women’s skin is less thick and therefore, more sensitive than there is. Rough handling may feel good to guys, but woman crave lighter contact), Body Compliments (She needs to know you appreciate the time she spends primping and tread milling) and Longer Oral (Even if you love going down on your lady, you probably abandon ship once you’re sure she’s revved up).
Hardt says: Ok Cosmo really missed the boat on this one. Yes I do agree that it’s nice to hear that I look good but it needs to be something that you actually want to say not because you think I want to hear it! As for the rest: More Kissing, I’m sorry maybe when I was younger, but now I’m old and frankly most days I’m just too tired for a lot of foreplay! Soft Caressing- I think this one really depends on the woman, because for me given the choice between soft and hard I will take hard any day! And as for Longer Oral- Once again no thanks, lets get to the real party instead. But here are the 4 things I would like more of (Note: This is in general, not from a certain relationship): You actually wanting to do things I like to do without complaint (hiking, surfing, kayaking whatever it may be), Little romantic gestures (I’m not talking about cliché chocolates and flowers. More like little text messages saying you miss me, or holding the car door for me, coffee in bed on a lazy Sunday), Remembering little events in my life (when it’s a big day for me or you know I’m nervous about it’s nice to have that remembered), and lastly actually wanting to hang out with my friends (and remember the things I tell you about them. I know I share too much and you really don’t care, but they are my family. The least I can expect is you to want to do a Tuesday night dinner or remember which kid goes with which set of parents!)
4) I’ve been dating my boyfriend for more than two years, but recently I found his myspace page and saw that he is “single” and lists “women” as one of his interests. We recently talked about moving in together. Does this mean that we should hold off?
Cosmo says: Maybe your dude hasn’t updated his page in awhile. Some guys can barely remember to put on his pants let alone maintain myspace. Still it’s weird that you didn’t know about the page. Casually mention that you stumbled upon his myspace page and you were surprised and confused. See how he reacts. He might just laugh and say its old news… or he might get defensive. Either way he needs to update his status or delete the page.
Hardt says: Ok I know I’m the queen of being the myspace detective trying to guess the guys in my life every move, status and comments. But here’s the thing, you’ve been with him for two years and you aren’t apart of a page in his life… Even if it’s just a stupid myspace page it’s weird! If he really wanted to be with you he would be screaming it from the roof tops or at least put up a picture of you guys. So here’s the thing, he’s using it to scam women or maybe just a woman. But I can assure that he is. The better question is why do you want to be with someone who obviously doesn’t want people know that he’s with you!
5) I’m almost 30 and have never had an orgasm, with a man or myself. I’m not a prude, I enjoy multiple vibrator and love giving a good blow job but am afraid of what’s going to happen when I orgasm so I back off just before.
Cosmo says: Getting over sexual taboos has drastically changed my sex life, I used to be freaked out by the idea of watching porn. I attached some sort of 'dirty' stigma to it. But then my boyfriend convinced me to give it a try just once, and you know what? Bingo! Not only did I have amazing orgasms, but I realized that I was still a good person, that watching porn didn't turn me into a sleazebag. Now I try it all -- you never know what'll rock your sexual world." "I'll try anything once if it doesn't do it for me sexually, I don't try it again. End of story. But if it does, I've just opened the door to many more orgasmic possibilities
Hardt says: Get yourself a stash of new batteries, turn off your phone and lock your door. Don’t come out until you’ve had your first O! Now I understand being a little put off having it during sex, especially if it’s your first time. I personally rarely do during sex… but you must have some pent up aggression if you haven’t had one alone. And there is nothing to be afraid of. Yes there is tingling, and a little shaking, and tightening…. But really it’s just a great way to relax and distress (not to mention the one sure fire way to get rid of cramps!). And trust me once you’ve gone O you are never going to want to go back.
1) In my dating life, sex ruins everything! What am I doing wrong?
Cosmo says: I feel like a Grandma saying- Hold off honey! But maybe you should, at least until you are dating exclusively. You’ve got to try something different- or you’ll keep getting the same results.
Hardt says: And I can’t believe I’m going to say this- but for once I agree with Cosmo and Grandma. Here’s the thing, if you are just looking for fun I say run out and have all the sex you want. But if you are looking for a relationship than I would advise holding out for a bit. That being said, I often don’t take my own advice (ok I never take my own advice when it comes to waiting) and I have fallen into the trap one too many times of being stuck in the rut of dating or becoming fuck buddies with someone I would actually want to be in a relationship with. Though on the flip side I have friends that have waited, and it hasn’t worked out for them either. So really the best advice is to wait until it feels comfortable. When it’s right it doesn’t matter if you have sex too soon or make them wait!
2) I don’t like giving oral sex, but he does. I want to return the favor, so I’m hoping there is a trick to liking it more.
Cosmo says: You’re not alone if the act feels more like work than play. I hear woman complain about the gag issue a lot, I tell them to use their hands to control how much they are taking into their mouths. That stuff you see in porn of woman taking the whole thing in, unnecessary.
Hardt says: If it feels like work than make it more fun. I personally avoid giving blow jobs, mainly because I don’t feel I’m that good at them and maybe because I just am a bit lazy. But the trick I’ve learned is that if you take the blow jobs out of the box and make them more exciting, it doesn’t matter if you aren’t the best at it, it will become fun to you. For example: I’ve found that the angle while in a car is actually kind of fun, so give it a try while he is driving down the Vegas Strip or on the way home as a “thank you” for putting time in at a wedding with you. Take it out of the bedroom and make it your own. Trust me this is an event he will definitely be RSVP’ing to!
3) Advice to guys: The 4 sex moves she wants more of
Cosmo says: More Kissing (A longer warm-up act heightens anticipation and can make an even steamier main event), Soft Caressing (Men often forget that women’s skin is less thick and therefore, more sensitive than there is. Rough handling may feel good to guys, but woman crave lighter contact), Body Compliments (She needs to know you appreciate the time she spends primping and tread milling) and Longer Oral (Even if you love going down on your lady, you probably abandon ship once you’re sure she’s revved up).
Hardt says: Ok Cosmo really missed the boat on this one. Yes I do agree that it’s nice to hear that I look good but it needs to be something that you actually want to say not because you think I want to hear it! As for the rest: More Kissing, I’m sorry maybe when I was younger, but now I’m old and frankly most days I’m just too tired for a lot of foreplay! Soft Caressing- I think this one really depends on the woman, because for me given the choice between soft and hard I will take hard any day! And as for Longer Oral- Once again no thanks, lets get to the real party instead. But here are the 4 things I would like more of (Note: This is in general, not from a certain relationship): You actually wanting to do things I like to do without complaint (hiking, surfing, kayaking whatever it may be), Little romantic gestures (I’m not talking about cliché chocolates and flowers. More like little text messages saying you miss me, or holding the car door for me, coffee in bed on a lazy Sunday), Remembering little events in my life (when it’s a big day for me or you know I’m nervous about it’s nice to have that remembered), and lastly actually wanting to hang out with my friends (and remember the things I tell you about them. I know I share too much and you really don’t care, but they are my family. The least I can expect is you to want to do a Tuesday night dinner or remember which kid goes with which set of parents!)
4) I’ve been dating my boyfriend for more than two years, but recently I found his myspace page and saw that he is “single” and lists “women” as one of his interests. We recently talked about moving in together. Does this mean that we should hold off?
Cosmo says: Maybe your dude hasn’t updated his page in awhile. Some guys can barely remember to put on his pants let alone maintain myspace. Still it’s weird that you didn’t know about the page. Casually mention that you stumbled upon his myspace page and you were surprised and confused. See how he reacts. He might just laugh and say its old news… or he might get defensive. Either way he needs to update his status or delete the page.
Hardt says: Ok I know I’m the queen of being the myspace detective trying to guess the guys in my life every move, status and comments. But here’s the thing, you’ve been with him for two years and you aren’t apart of a page in his life… Even if it’s just a stupid myspace page it’s weird! If he really wanted to be with you he would be screaming it from the roof tops or at least put up a picture of you guys. So here’s the thing, he’s using it to scam women or maybe just a woman. But I can assure that he is. The better question is why do you want to be with someone who obviously doesn’t want people know that he’s with you!
5) I’m almost 30 and have never had an orgasm, with a man or myself. I’m not a prude, I enjoy multiple vibrator and love giving a good blow job but am afraid of what’s going to happen when I orgasm so I back off just before.
Cosmo says: Getting over sexual taboos has drastically changed my sex life, I used to be freaked out by the idea of watching porn. I attached some sort of 'dirty' stigma to it. But then my boyfriend convinced me to give it a try just once, and you know what? Bingo! Not only did I have amazing orgasms, but I realized that I was still a good person, that watching porn didn't turn me into a sleazebag. Now I try it all -- you never know what'll rock your sexual world." "I'll try anything once if it doesn't do it for me sexually, I don't try it again. End of story. But if it does, I've just opened the door to many more orgasmic possibilities
Hardt says: Get yourself a stash of new batteries, turn off your phone and lock your door. Don’t come out until you’ve had your first O! Now I understand being a little put off having it during sex, especially if it’s your first time. I personally rarely do during sex… but you must have some pent up aggression if you haven’t had one alone. And there is nothing to be afraid of. Yes there is tingling, and a little shaking, and tightening…. But really it’s just a great way to relax and distress (not to mention the one sure fire way to get rid of cramps!). And trust me once you’ve gone O you are never going to want to go back.
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