Let's talk about sex

Last night while reading my monthly selection of magazines, I realized I’d outgrown Cosmo and the other “sex” magazines… Most of the sex tips are redundant, I can pretty much say- been there done that, or they are useless- Should you give him an ultimatum (seriously?!) or just plain stupid- What’s the best song to striptease to (once again, SERIOUSLY?!). So I’ve decided to post a weekly Sexual Q and A with Cosmo, Hardt, and our new weekly guest Blogger Dr. Smolder.

Our Qualifications to give you, my readers, sex and relationship advice:
Cosmopolitan Magazine: 1st launched in 1886 as a family magazine, Cosmo now is the top selling woman’s magazine, with 58 international additions, printed in 34 languages, in over 100 countries.
Dr. Smolder: The Relationship Expert. Our new weekly guest Blogger. In her late 20’s, has been married for more years than I’ve been in relationships, has a son, a full time job and still manages to find time for “quality” time with her husband.
Miss Hardt: Me. As you know I’m 29, single but have had more relationships (and relations) than are really necessary, and have tried pretty much all the positions in Cosmo so really I am the sex expert of the 3 of “us”.

So here is the first of our Q and A’s… feel free to comment with your own relationship and sex questions, we will answer them next week with Cosmo and our advice.

- Are condoms effective underwater?
Cosmo says: They are not tested underwater, so there’s no assurance they’ll hold up.
Hardt says: If your condom DOES NOT hold up underwater, I think you should be using a different condom! But go for a small test run first- The shower is one of the best places to have sex… up against the shower wall is the easiest position, especially since there usually is a little Slip N Slide action going on. If the shower works than feel free to take it outside- pool, hot tub, ocean, jet ski, surf board… go enjoy a little summer fun!

- What’s the most common male fantasy?
Cosmo says: Threesome with two women.
Hardt says: HAVE YOU MET ANY MEN, because every guy’s top fantasy is a threesome. But why are you asking Cosmo? If you want to know what your boyfriend/husband is fantasizing about than you should be able to ask him. If you can’t ask him that then maybe you should not be having sex. But remember just because it's his fantasy doesn't mean you have to indulge him in it!
Dr. Smolder says: I agree that’s the most common fantasy, however I think that not all guys have premeditated fantasies. One of the thrills of having a longtime partner is creating fantasies for him. For example, use your surroundings and your imagination, become a real live porn star by taking advantage of a long elevator ride or give a spontaneous hand job under an airline blanket during a boring flight. Not every guy wants to be in the mile high club, he just wants to be “attended to” during the ride.

- He almost too big. What positions are good for him to ease his way into me without hurting me?
Cosmo says: Anything where you can control the speed and depth, such as girl on top.
Hardt says: Yes boys as shocking as it seem there is such thing as Too Big. But let me tell you from experience you still can have fun with Mr. Too Big. And come one ladies, we’ve all been with the Mr. Too Small so just reverse the positions that you used with those guys and you are all set! But once again, why are you asking Cosmo? The best way to find out is to just keep trying it, if you are too shy to tell him that it’s painful than maybe once again you shouldn’t be having sex! Sex is about mixing it up, if it’s too painful one way spin yourself around and try another.
Dr. Smolder says: Mr. Too big taught me about the joys of being on top. Not only can you control the ebb and flow but you get a whole body workout at the same time.

- I’m dating a bad kisser, does that mean he’s bad in bed?
Cosmo says: Maybe
Hardt says: YES… but really if he’s a bad kisser why even bother going through the motions of sleeping with him! Kick him out of the bedroom and find someone who you are more tongue compatible with!
Dr. Smolder says: You can teach a bad kisser how to be a better kisser, it’s all about communication and modeling.

- What’s the sexiest way to put on a condom?
Cosmo says: With your mouth.
Hardt says: Hmmmm I want to try that one… let me get back to you once I get the hang of that! But the thing to remember, especially if you are single- the condom is key. It doesn't matter if it goes on sexy as long as it goes on! Hardt's rule number 1.
Dr. Smolder says: There is no sexy way to put on a condom. Get on the pill and find yourself a long term partner.

- I want to have sex in a public place- but not too public, any ideas?
Cosmo says: The bathroom of an uncrowded bar, a car on the side of a quiet road, secluded beach at night…
Hardt says: Probably best not to plan which public space to have sex in, but when you find yourself in the moment just go for it. Though personally I can recommend the beach option (Just had a very memorable trip to San Diego in which the Cliffs of La Jolla came into play). On the other hand I would not recommend a national park because let me tell you those rangers are not too happy when they find you, trust me on this one the last thing you want to see in the middle of sex is a ranger standing over you!
Dr. Smolder says: Cars are always a good choice as a transitional place. As well as a darken theater, but it helps if you know the people that work there.

- Naughtiest Sex Position:
Cosmo Says: Up against a wall
Dr. Smolder says: Doggie style is the naughtiest because it gives you the feeling of being a porn star.
Hardt says: Up against the wall is nice, but I added an extra element to it recently that I enjoyed- facing full length mirror. You can have the experience of being that porn start without having to actually video tape yourself! But really you can bring elements of being naughty into any sexual position. Tired of plain old missionary, have your boyfriend tie you to the bed. Doggie Style getting a little boring, grab your vibrator and use it while he's inside you. Sick of your usual positions in the bedroom- move them into the living room, try the couch, table, kitchen counter whatever you have available. Just a little mixing up can change your tired old routine immensely.

- How to go from Booty Call to boyfriend:
Cosmo says: After a few months of hooking up, I started to fall for my friends with benefits, even though we discussed not getting serious. Once, when I was feeling down about the situation, I mentioned how sad it made me that guys seemed afraid to commit. I said I was worried that no matter how smart or funny I could be, I’d never find a guy who would be ready to make me his girlfriend. Right then, he looked at me, and something must have clicked. He told me he wasn’t sure why it had taken him so long to figure it out, but I was the girl for him. We’ve been together ever since.
Dr. Smolder says: PLEASE, that only happens in the movies. If you really want a boyfriend you have to respect each other from the get go. But if you start out as a booty call you have to respect the sanctity of a booty call as well.
Hardt says: If he only wants you as a Booty call there is no way to transition to a boyfriend, especially if he's already told you he doesn't want to get serious. But the better question is why are you ok staying with someone who obviously doesn’t really want to be with you! From my experience nothing good ever comes from trying to change your relations. Either he will decide to stay as just a booty call- and in that case you end up getting hurt. Or you then force him into a relationship that he didn’t want in the first place. In the end you will only end up hurting yourself, because he will eventually leave. But really do you want to be with someone who is only half ass with you? My advice is that if you are ok with just being his booty call than stay in it, but if you want more go out and find yourself someone who wants all of you, not just you at 3am or not just you when he’s horny and lonely!

Till next time Cosmo, Hardt, and Smolder wish you a happy and safe sexual journey... the most important thing to remember is that sex is supposed to be fun! ENJOY