I always start the year with my resolutions… always what I want in the year, to lose weight, to stop dating assholes, to get a better job… well this year I only have one resolution- ME. This year is going to be about me. I’ve lived this last year, and most of my life living for other people. Doing what others think is right. Doing what will make him happy. Doing what my parents want me to. Doing what society thinks I should… instead I’m going to live these next 12 months for me. Doing what I want. Doing what will make me happy! I’m going to spend a lot more time with myself… which could probably make me a lot more cranky and miserable, but at the end of the tunnel is a light much brighter than imagined. I’m going to live my life this year. I’m going to do more yoga, not because it will give me a better body but because it will give me a better mind. Surf in the mornings, not for a tan but to clear my head. Date that guy that thinks the world of me, not who is my world. To not accept being a fuck buddy. A friend with benefits. An in-between girl. The one you call up when you need to clear your head. The one who’s always there. The one who you can call back tomorrow, next week, next month… for once I want the guy who can’t wait to talk to me. It’s time to put down the pom poms and look for MY cheerleader for once. Someone who is going to think I’m amazing. Who wants to be with me. And only me. Someone who doesn’t have one eye at the door looking for someone better… I’m going to finally date for forever and not date just waiting for someone to leave me… because here’s the thing when you wait for them to leave, you will push them until they do.
It’s finally time to delete those in my life that don’t want the amazing and neurotic me. I’ve held on to many people from my past (both male and female, friends and lovers) that frankly don’t make me feel very good about myself. I’ve accepted what they will give me, and allowed myself to believe that that is all I deserve… I’ve allowed their thoughts to influence my own. I’ve been afraid to be alone way too much.
It’s time to finally say goodbye to many things... I’m done with the dramatics in my life, both personally and romantically. Instead it’s time for uncomplicated. This year has been about drama. Both brought to me and self inflicted. It’s time to stop thinking and just start living. To stop over analyzing every little thing. But also to stop trying to fix things. Sometimes you need to just throw out broken things, if it’s not working it might not be worth the effort to change that… and for me it’s just time to move on past many things in my life.
I’m going to finally find that job that settles me. That’s been missing from my life this year. And I think most of the reasons my life has unraveled as it has has been due to being out of work. I have had too much time to focus on things that I shouldn’t. I’ve tried to control too much in my relationships because that’s all that I could control.
I’ve been looking into the past way too much this year, and it’s finally time to really look into the future. And I’ve been saying that this entire year but haven’t had the nerve to really do it. Instead I’ve accepted what bones people threw at me. And that’s just not good enough for me. Because I truly do deserve the world, and maybe it’s time that I start to believe that.
It’s finally time to delete those in my life that don’t want the amazing and neurotic me. I’ve held on to many people from my past (both male and female, friends and lovers) that frankly don’t make me feel very good about myself. I’ve accepted what they will give me, and allowed myself to believe that that is all I deserve… I’ve allowed their thoughts to influence my own. I’ve been afraid to be alone way too much.
It’s time to finally say goodbye to many things... I’m done with the dramatics in my life, both personally and romantically. Instead it’s time for uncomplicated. This year has been about drama. Both brought to me and self inflicted. It’s time to stop thinking and just start living. To stop over analyzing every little thing. But also to stop trying to fix things. Sometimes you need to just throw out broken things, if it’s not working it might not be worth the effort to change that… and for me it’s just time to move on past many things in my life.
I’m going to finally find that job that settles me. That’s been missing from my life this year. And I think most of the reasons my life has unraveled as it has has been due to being out of work. I have had too much time to focus on things that I shouldn’t. I’ve tried to control too much in my relationships because that’s all that I could control.
I’ve been looking into the past way too much this year, and it’s finally time to really look into the future. And I’ve been saying that this entire year but haven’t had the nerve to really do it. Instead I’ve accepted what bones people threw at me. And that’s just not good enough for me. Because I truly do deserve the world, and maybe it’s time that I start to believe that.
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