People have been trying to dissect me lately. Talk sense into me. Trying and figure out why it is that I do what I do. Yell at me for mistakes I make. Judge based on certain actions. Though I think I may have reached the breaking point with being told all that is wrong about me. Granted I’m such an open book I will say it’s probably partly my fault. I blog. I update my facebook status every 30 seconds. I pick up the phone (or instant message) with every feeling I have. I talk and talk until my friends want to hurl things at me. But that’s just me. But when it comes to criticism it’s hard to take. So lately I’ve been just keeping a few things to myself. It started with a bit, and then a lot and then all of a sudden I’m starting to realize my book is closing. And that’s kind of sad. Last week when people found out about Mr. FB’s sudden change in tune, most of them were like oh well you weren’t that attached and you weren’t sleeping together… and all I thought was but I was attached and I was sleeping with him. I just was so tired of everyone judging my actions I thought I would just keep it to myself. I was sick of everyone placing bets as soon as I meet someone when it will end. How things will suddenly change. So I kind of kept the details to myself… so that now people are like how can you be a little blue about him… well here’s is how.
With Mr. FB I think part of it has less to do with him, as it is just what he represented. An actual nice guy. I can tell you the moment I fell for him, we were sitting at Q’s, I was a tad tipsy, date number 5 and still hadn’t kissed… and as I was looking at him he just laughed and said “I can see it in your face your are trying to hold back from kissing me. But Nicole it’s not going to happen at a bar. I’m not going to let our first kiss happen at just a bar. Because you can’t take back that first kiss”… and in that moment I just went, oh shit not again! But that’s what I fell for. I fell for that guy who as soon as he left the bar the first night we hung out sent me a blackberry message. Who sent me one as soon as I left every single night the following week. Who sent me one every morning just to say hi. Who would im me throughout the day, and answer my stupid top 5 questions with a laugh. Someone who wanted to hang out with me even though we weren’t having sex. Who wanted just me. Not my body (though now I have a little bit of an alcohol and laziness gut so I can’t blame him for that one!). Not for sex. But just for ME. I fell for someone who made me feel giggly. And I hadn’t been giggly for a long time, probably since Disneyland last summer. But I fell for the promise of what he seemed to be. I fell for someone who wouldn’t break my heart. Who complained that he often feel too quick too. Who wanted to hang out with me every day… that’s who I fell for. For the guy who was so excited for our Big Romantic Date that he planned it for 2 days. And knowing that I loved cheese picked a perfect place to go cheese and wine tasting. So excited that he went home from work exhausted and put music on and dance it out because he was worried that he would fall asleep as soon as he sat. That’s the guy I fell for. So it was just 3 weeks total… we had been talking for a couple months before that but I don’t’ count that. Just 3 weeks. But sometimes all it takes is a moment… some people say they fall for the moment they kiss someone, I can say I fell for the moment when I didn’t.
With Mr. FB I think part of it has less to do with him, as it is just what he represented. An actual nice guy. I can tell you the moment I fell for him, we were sitting at Q’s, I was a tad tipsy, date number 5 and still hadn’t kissed… and as I was looking at him he just laughed and said “I can see it in your face your are trying to hold back from kissing me. But Nicole it’s not going to happen at a bar. I’m not going to let our first kiss happen at just a bar. Because you can’t take back that first kiss”… and in that moment I just went, oh shit not again! But that’s what I fell for. I fell for that guy who as soon as he left the bar the first night we hung out sent me a blackberry message. Who sent me one as soon as I left every single night the following week. Who sent me one every morning just to say hi. Who would im me throughout the day, and answer my stupid top 5 questions with a laugh. Someone who wanted to hang out with me even though we weren’t having sex. Who wanted just me. Not my body (though now I have a little bit of an alcohol and laziness gut so I can’t blame him for that one!). Not for sex. But just for ME. I fell for someone who made me feel giggly. And I hadn’t been giggly for a long time, probably since Disneyland last summer. But I fell for the promise of what he seemed to be. I fell for someone who wouldn’t break my heart. Who complained that he often feel too quick too. Who wanted to hang out with me every day… that’s who I fell for. For the guy who was so excited for our Big Romantic Date that he planned it for 2 days. And knowing that I loved cheese picked a perfect place to go cheese and wine tasting. So excited that he went home from work exhausted and put music on and dance it out because he was worried that he would fall asleep as soon as he sat. That’s the guy I fell for. So it was just 3 weeks total… we had been talking for a couple months before that but I don’t’ count that. Just 3 weeks. But sometimes all it takes is a moment… some people say they fall for the moment they kiss someone, I can say I fell for the moment when I didn’t.
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