Girl on the curl...

As most of you know I had a pretty serious surf accident almost two years ago. Now the accident itself wasn’t too bad, while out surfing I broke my nose resulting in me having to have it re-broken in two places and physically moved over. The serious part of the accident happened when I was knocked unconscious. Luckily I came to less than a minute later but was underwater and covered in blood. Turns out I had a pretty serious concussion, after spending the afternoon in the hospital I was released to only come home and go in and out of consciousness the next couple of days, including throwing up anything that was put into my system even water. Since then I have had a fear of my drop down. For those of you that don’t surf, a drop is what happens after a wave breaks, you have a moment where you literally ride down the wave. It happens right at the beginning… kind of hard to surf when I’m literally petrified of the first part of the wave. Sure I’ve been out there. I’ve ridden every small wave that’s come into Southern California in the last year and a half. I’ve ridden the larger waves, just after they break so that I don’t have to face my fear… and until recently I didn’t even remember the accident at all. Which I think helped, and then a couple of weeks ago it all came back to me while out surfing, making me relive the accident and relive that fear… now this past weekend a great swell came in. And I thought it have been about time for me to conquer my fears.

Now fears are a funny thing. We all have them. Some are small, personally I’m afraid of airplane bathrooms and actually have to close the lid before I flush the toilet in them (even at 30!)… some are a little bit bigger, I’m deathly afraid of falling in love again. Afraid of being hurt. And then some are deep seeded, like the fear of the wave that measures over 3 feet (meaning that at 3-4 feet it often is more like 6-7 feet as it starts to break!).. but lately I’ve decided to face all of my fears head on. I’m not the person to sit at home and wallow. I’m someone who runs headfirst into the water and deals with the consequences later. Bones heal, bruises slowly fade (wither they be of the body or the heart) and the awesome feeling you get after a perfect ride more than conquers that fear. I have friends that are afraid of getting out there, both in the waves and in love. Afraid that meeting that person will lead to them getting hurt. Afraid having to go through that heartbreak again. Afraid of being left alone yet again. Of hearing “I’ve met someone” of finding out that they never were in love with you…But here’s the thing, the fear doesn’t go away. Just because you try and close yourself off and won’t allow yourself to fall in love again doesn’t mean that everything is going to be all right. The fear is always there. And with every person you meet, you will just feel more and more afraid. And personal who wants to live their life afraid?! So this week I faced some of my fears. And I paddled out with the boys, and I got my perfect wave… and after dropping down for what felt like forever I soon realized I was still on my board and my smile just got bigger and bigger. I did it. And boy did it ever feel amazing. And after that I paddled right back out there and got slaughter on my next wave. The leash wrapped itself around my ankle as I fell, and while I tumbled the board just kept going with the insane power of the wave and that swell. Now in one day I caught a great wave and I also caught one that stopped my heart for a second as I was caught under the water and couldn’t get up. But the thing was I just tumbled with it. I knew fighting that wave would have led to a panic... so instead I just tumbled and knew I would be ok, and I was. When I popped my head up I took a couple of huge breaths and then got right back on that board and paddled back out. Because here’s the thing about your fears, you never truly conquer them. I’m always going to see those waves as potential nose breakers. I’m always going to get knocked off and knocked around. I’m always going to end up with bruises (again on my body and my heart)… And I’m always going to see that next guy as potential to completely rip my heart to shreds… but you know what, that next ride I got was even better than the first. Sure it may not have been Kelly Slater’s perfect double over head barrel of this past weekend, but it was pretty damn perfect for me. And that’s why I keep doing what I do. For that one perfect 10 wave… because like they say, there’s always a perfect wave in ever heat. And it looks like I’m just about to start catching mine again…