Comfort in the arms of an old friend

I have an often confusing and complicated relationship with most of my ex’s. Most of it stems from my inability to not remain friends with them. Something that often has resulted in more problems than they were worth, and more often than not with an even bigger hole in my heart. Some such as Mr. FB and Mr. Ex have turned out to be amazing friends and always there for me. Some such as Mr. Arizona and Mr. Green have just continually broken my heart until I finally reached my boiling point and kicked them both out of my heart and my life. But then there is one that is often more confusing and complicated than either of us know what to do with, Mr. Wyoming. We often can bring out the best in each other, but just as many times bring out the worst. Over the years we have continually walked this very fine line that eventually one of us crosses and some dramatic moment will ensure. Usually with one of us telling the other to lose our number and then without fail a couple months later he will usually call, I will resist, he will keep calling and then we start the trouble over again. To this day neither of us can really remember why we broke up the first time. I remember his father flying out and putting an end to it, he just remembers us falling apart… who knows what the real reason was, if there really even was one. But somewhere along the line we became connected in a way that’s hard to pin point. No longer in love with him, I will always care for him. When he showed up on my doorstep just before I left for Havasu I was shocked. In December after yet another odd freak out by him we both decided that this was not worth it. So when he showed up to apologize for everything over the years and to tell me that of all the people in his life that I was the only one who has every truly been there for him, to say that I was speechless was an understatement. And since I’ve left for Havasu we’ve stayed in touch with emails frequently, a few text messages and a few facebook comments. Since returning from Havasu I’ve hung out with him, but none of the old feelings came back. Just two old friends hanging out… but there’s something different that I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it’s because I don’t really want to. I don’t want to know the difference; I don’t want to know where that difference can lead. Last night we once again hung out, had drinks in my apartment, went over some new changes I want to make (he’s going to help on Thursday Paint my bedroom and kitchen.)… And for the first time in a long time we ended up back in my bed. Now he and I never really got out sex life together, it became a big joke that we really were just not sexually compatible. And for a good part of last night it was the same as always. We ended up stopping and just laid in bed laughing about it. But the changing moment was when he looked at me and asked why after all these years we just couldn’t get it together. And I knew he meant more than just the sex. And I kind of shrugged and laughed, a sign that we aren’t meant for each other I said… and yet after that the sex was kind of fantastic. And we fell asleep in each other’s arms to only wake up in the middle of the night and once again try a little fantastic out… and in the end I was left with a smile. Finally figured it out… just too late to figure us out. Maybe it finally worked because we were more honest with each other last night than we ever have been. We laughed, and talked and reminisced… and I was surprised that after all these years we are still so familiar to each other. In a way it’s like coming back to my past...