In relationships it’s not abnormal for me to be jealous, but it’s an odd jealousy. When I’m out with the guys and they are talking to other girls, I never get jealous. I always know that they are going home with me so I am usually very secure on that. But what I do get jealous about are these friends of theirs that I don’t know. These girls that pop up on their caller id, or their facebook pages or just in random conversation. And add to that this very weird sense of things, I sometimes go a little over the edge with that jealousy. I always know the one. The girl they end up cheating on me with. The girl they break up with me for. The girl they are dating at the same time. It’s weird how I can sense it. It’s never the girl that leaves millions of messages. It’s never the girl that we hang out with on a Saturday night. It’s never the overly flirty girl. So I don’t know how I know.. .but I do.
Now this week I had a different kind of jealousy. Resigned to the fact that Mr. Piranha and I are only going to be friends I’ve been hanging out with him a bit more. And when he called to invite me to go surfing Thursday I was excited. Mostly we’ve been hanging out with people, and even when I was over as his place the other night watching movies we watched it with his two roommates and his very attentive cat, Tink. So the idea of being out in the water with him basically just chilling for an hour or two was very appealing…until he brought along the girl I can never be, Miss Friend. Now I’ve known Miss Friend for years and have even become hiking buddies with her recently. We’ve always gotten along and it is in fact through her that I met Mr. Piranha. Now she has always intimidated me. It’s hard to explain why, but she reminds me of that girl in high school, the one who never cared much what people thought about her, who smoked behind the bleachers and was always one step cooler than you were though you could never pin point why. Through the years I’ve always been a little shy around Miss Friend, never felt quite cool enough. Which is odd because I never have that feeling, I can walk up to almost anyone and strike up a conversation. Yet with her I’m a bit more subdued. Now add on top of that that she is without a doubt the closest friend that Mr. Piranha has and they are so close at times I feel they are the same person, and are inseparable so it’s only normal that now I am even more intimidated by her. And seeing how close they are it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me when I got a text message last night saying she was coming surfing too… But it’s an understatement to say I wasn’t a little disappointed. And it wasn’t because I was hanging out with her, and it wasn’t because I was hanging out with the two of them because oddly enough when I’m actually with the two of them I somehow feel less out of place. A friend of mine reminded me this weekend that no matter what I do he will never look at me the way he does her, and that they will always have these inside jokes and I will always feel out of their circle. But in fact I feel the exact opposite. When I am with them they both go a bit out of the way to make sure I feel included. And in fact the three of us had a blast surfing and we have plans to go again this week. The only reason I was disappointed was due to the fact that I was hoping to spend some time with him alone so that I can get use to the whole we are just friend’s thing and really try and move past this. Instead we had an amazing time the three of us which just let me with this feeling of why can’t this work out!
After the day spent surfing Miss Friend headed home and Mr. P and I got Tacos and beers and just chilled at my place for the afternoon… and I would like to say there wasn’t any tension between us that we were just two friends hanging out, but we all know that wasn’t the case. In fact when he mentioned how it was such a great idea for us to hang out and surf I agreed and told him that it was all part of my master plan. That the more we hang out, the more I will want to be with him. And his exact response was: “Well that didn’t work out too well now did it?” After I got a little defensive, I mean I at least thought I was putting on a good front, he replied- “No I was talking about me. Hanging out with you has not made me want you less, in fact it’s only made me want you more”… so the plan has back fired. And that night he not only invited me to BBQ at his house the next day but sent me a message that night letting me know that not only did he have an amazing time with me but just how much of an amazing girl I was… hopeful, yes. Ready for the boat to get rocked, most definitely. About to be disappointed yet again, read on…
Now this week I had a different kind of jealousy. Resigned to the fact that Mr. Piranha and I are only going to be friends I’ve been hanging out with him a bit more. And when he called to invite me to go surfing Thursday I was excited. Mostly we’ve been hanging out with people, and even when I was over as his place the other night watching movies we watched it with his two roommates and his very attentive cat, Tink. So the idea of being out in the water with him basically just chilling for an hour or two was very appealing…until he brought along the girl I can never be, Miss Friend. Now I’ve known Miss Friend for years and have even become hiking buddies with her recently. We’ve always gotten along and it is in fact through her that I met Mr. Piranha. Now she has always intimidated me. It’s hard to explain why, but she reminds me of that girl in high school, the one who never cared much what people thought about her, who smoked behind the bleachers and was always one step cooler than you were though you could never pin point why. Through the years I’ve always been a little shy around Miss Friend, never felt quite cool enough. Which is odd because I never have that feeling, I can walk up to almost anyone and strike up a conversation. Yet with her I’m a bit more subdued. Now add on top of that that she is without a doubt the closest friend that Mr. Piranha has and they are so close at times I feel they are the same person, and are inseparable so it’s only normal that now I am even more intimidated by her. And seeing how close they are it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me when I got a text message last night saying she was coming surfing too… But it’s an understatement to say I wasn’t a little disappointed. And it wasn’t because I was hanging out with her, and it wasn’t because I was hanging out with the two of them because oddly enough when I’m actually with the two of them I somehow feel less out of place. A friend of mine reminded me this weekend that no matter what I do he will never look at me the way he does her, and that they will always have these inside jokes and I will always feel out of their circle. But in fact I feel the exact opposite. When I am with them they both go a bit out of the way to make sure I feel included. And in fact the three of us had a blast surfing and we have plans to go again this week. The only reason I was disappointed was due to the fact that I was hoping to spend some time with him alone so that I can get use to the whole we are just friend’s thing and really try and move past this. Instead we had an amazing time the three of us which just let me with this feeling of why can’t this work out!
After the day spent surfing Miss Friend headed home and Mr. P and I got Tacos and beers and just chilled at my place for the afternoon… and I would like to say there wasn’t any tension between us that we were just two friends hanging out, but we all know that wasn’t the case. In fact when he mentioned how it was such a great idea for us to hang out and surf I agreed and told him that it was all part of my master plan. That the more we hang out, the more I will want to be with him. And his exact response was: “Well that didn’t work out too well now did it?” After I got a little defensive, I mean I at least thought I was putting on a good front, he replied- “No I was talking about me. Hanging out with you has not made me want you less, in fact it’s only made me want you more”… so the plan has back fired. And that night he not only invited me to BBQ at his house the next day but sent me a message that night letting me know that not only did he have an amazing time with me but just how much of an amazing girl I was… hopeful, yes. Ready for the boat to get rocked, most definitely. About to be disappointed yet again, read on…
No comments:
Post a Comment