Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me. Hurt me 6 times...

You would think that after all this time I would learn… I know that Mr. Green has the ability to hurt me still, which is why we stopped talking in the first place. And deleting has a facebook friend was a step in the right direction… but when I found out that he was upset that I had deleted him as a friend I stupidly sent him an IM. Now I know I shouldn’t’ have, but I’ve gotten very nostalgic while packing and I guess I just wanted to say hi… at first he was really mad. And even was like goodbye Hardt. But then he softened up a bit and we started talking. Everything seemed ok so I didn’t want to pres my luck and told him that I had to get back to packing but that if he finds himself in Havasu over the summer look me up. Which was my mistake. And so what followed could be deemed as my fault. I know I’m still in love with him. And I know he decided to choose his this new girl over me (the week before I was going down to see him!). So I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s so into he’s going on a road trip to Utah. But what did come as a shock and literally made my heart drop was when he suggested they come and visit me. My ex. Who I am still in love with. Who I can’t get through a day without thinking about. Without feeling broken. Without hurting. This same ex has suggested him and this new wonderful girlfriend come and visit me in Lake Havasu. I couldn’t believe how insensitive he was. How complete Douche-like. He has to know how hurt I was when I found out he was with someone else. We haven’t had one exchange of words since I found out about the girlfriend a month ago. He’s sent texts that went unanswered. And he sent im’s that went unanswered. But not one word has exchanged. And now he thinks that I would be ok with him visiting and flaunting this girl in front of me. You can guess that answer was fuck no. And I wish I could have said that I actually said those words to him. Instead I just told him that no that would be awkward. Signed off my computer and started sobbing… I know he always hurts me. And yet it doesn’t stop me from missing him so much that I do know what to do.

But what it does do is make me so happy that I’m leaving for Havasu. So happy to have a fresh start. Sure it will be strange having his brother and their former roommate up tomorrow night, both are coming up to attend the going away festivities. And I’m sure at one point I will really miss him. But luckily I will have my girls around me. Mr. Ex will be making an appearance (as well as an appearance in Havasu, more on that to come though!). Mr. My Harry will be making an appearance… So really I will be surrounded by the boys that do love me. And maybe all that love is much better than being around the one who just doesn’t love me enough, someone who is so unworthy all the love I have for him.