The future Mrs. Scottsdale Trophy Wife.

Last night I went out with Mr. Neighbor… yea I know, adding another man to the mix. I swear to God it’s like moths to a flame lately (though my mom is starting to think it’s more like lambs to the slaughter!) I don’t think I’ve ever dated this much, in fact it’s getting pretty ridiculous. This was my third date in a week! I’m dating exhausted… but that’s not the point of the story, let me get back to Mr. Neighbor. Now Mr. N’s parents have lived next door to mine for 10 years now. So we’ve seen each other in passing. And he has a 7 year old daughter who is in love with my dad more than you can imagine. So every time they come to visit her grandma they call over to my parents to see if she can also come over and play with Chuck. But in the past 10 years I don’t think I’ve had more than a handful of conversations with him so when he called this week I was a little taken aback, and that’s an understatement. In fact when he called I thought he was going to ask me to babysit, so when he suggested taking me out to dinner I was quite in shock. As was my mother who was crying she was laughing so hard. And don’t get me wrong he’s very nice, in his mid 30’s, attractive, has a nice body, has a great job… but when it comes down to it just not my type. But as I was a little shell shocked when he asked I agreed to dinner. In fact I think my actual response was: “Um, Ok?”

But actually last night turned out to be really nice. I didn’t think that we would have much in common but turns out that we both share a love for wine and Ohio Football, and oddly enough that kept us talking for most of the night. What I had assumed to be just dinner ended up being dinner and then a really cool jazz wine bar… and the evening ended a surprisingly short 6 hours later. And I have to say it was nice to have someone take me out and make a reservation (instead of take out!). And after all the doubt with my love life lately it was really nice to sit down and have someone tell me how amazing I look (he’s seen me at my WORST and was very polite about it saying well not that you didn’t look great before but you really look amazing now) and to have dinner with someone who appreciates just how much fun I can be. So all in all it was great wine, good food, and fun company. And maybe there wasn’t a love match… But I wasn’t look for one. As I’ve mentioned before there is someone who is a possible love match back in Los Angeles (and yes it’s still too soon for me to give too many details. I learned my lesson last time! You guys will just have to guess which Mr. has been stealing my heart! Hint he is mentioned in the blogs). But what I left with was a fun new friend to hang out with when I’m in town. He wants to get together when I’m back in a couple of weeks, and that I’m more than ok with.

Midgets, Wheels O Alcohol and 40’s…

I haven’t done a bar review on my other blog for a couple of months now… but the bar from last night really deserved getting a write up. First you have to know that I have a tendency to get into trouble when I get into Arizona. Mainly because Mr. Arizona and I use to party the weekends away (oh the memories!). And we had our bar (Handle Bar J’s) that we went to every time, but we also have a selection of additional bars that we would rotate in (Dirty Dogs, Dos Gringos, Sugar Daddies, Martini Ranch) so it’s not surprising that I’ve had a hard time going to those places without him. Just too many memories of the tow of us. So last night when Jamie suggested a different bar I was all for it, and boy was I glad that I did! So here is my review of naughtiest bar in Scottsdale- Gilligan’s Sand Bar.

Location- 4 Shots. Just off of Scottsdale Road and located right in the middle of Old Town Scottsdale this place has a perfect location. Great for after dinner or before heading down to the road to Dos Gringos. Plus I was able to get rock star parking out front so I was very happy!

Atmosphere- 4 shots. When you first walk in it looks like any other dive bar. Until you start to look around. There is the “shot” corner that is manned by midgets (I KID YOU NOT). There are two separate wheels, one that is just a wheel o booze and the other one that is a wheel o shots. There are two beer pong tables in the back corner. A man in an Obama Mask… oh the list goes on and on with the craziness of this bar. The only thing that was missing was a Beer Louge though I wouldn’t put it past them!

Drinks- 4 shots. Alcohol is cheap… they have multiple beer in UBER LARGE SIZE for only 7 dollars and pitchers for 7.50! Plus if you want to try the wheel o shots it’s only 3 dollars for a shot or 7 dollars for 3!!! Add the 99 cent Jello shots and you have all the ingredients for a really drunken fun night!

Food- 4 shots. The food was large, comforting, fattening, and cheap! If you are looking for something healthy than this is not the place for you. But if you are drunk and looking for some really damn good cheese fries than head on over! No kidding when I say that plate of fries was the size of a large TV.

Bartenders- 4 Shots. Although I didn’t try any mix drinks there were some attractive bartenders and I have to say they were entertaining. There was a microphone and they were yelling totally non-pc insulting things (kind of reminded me of Dicks but EXTREME)… and since I was never picked on I thought it was pretty damn funny!

All in all I have to say a pretty funny evening… and you know it was a fun night when I made quite a few drunken calls and text messages. Sorry to all of you that got the holy goodness it’s a midget ones… Thanks Jamie for a new fun place to visit when I’m in town. And next trip I plan on seeing you all out there spinning that wheel with me and the midgets!

Life of a Standby Traveler on the busiest day of the year… AKA Hardt Hates Holiday Travel

4:30am Alarm goes off
4:35am Coffee
4:45am Second Cup of Coffee
5:30am Arrive at airport. Excited because there is no line at the kiosk so I can check in right away. Insert credit card into the machine- NO RESERVATION it says. Ok, I try looking it up by last name- NO RESERVATION it says. So I proceed directly to the ticket counter. YAY a reservation, turns out my mom couldn’t spell our last name right, it was just hart.
5:45am Stand in the longest line ever for security. Outside. Smack dab in the middle of a puddle. In the rain. With no umbrella. Yea I can already tell this is going to be a great day.
6:00am Make it through security, but am the asshole in the security line that forgot my cell phone in my pocket. Hold up line. Currently everyone is loving me!
6:30am First oversold flight takes off without me. Not a seat to be had… and of course all the monitors are out so I have to treck back through security to find out where my next gate is.
8:00am Third oversold flight of the day takes off, yea you can see a pattern here. Though have been enjoying watching all the angry people at the airport. Who can be this angry at only 8 in the morning! Though I have to say I don’t think it is wise to be an asshole to the ticket agents, especially if you are the one who is an hour late for your flight. But of course he got the last seat on the plan so maybe there is something to this yelling thing after all! Officially hate holiday travel!
8:15am Sitting outside waiting for Super Shuttle to take me from LAX to John Wayne Airport in Orange County. There is a seat on a plane for me...YAY!
8:20am Wondering if it’s too early for a drink?
8:30am Finally on the shuttle bus and we are listening to Christmas music. Things are looking up!
10:00am At John Wayne Airport, FINALLY. 2nd Airport. 2nd Security check point. And a new observation- these new divisions for security check points (family, casual and expert) really do not work. At both airports this morning the shortest lines were the family and liquid lines, and the longest lines were the expert traveler one (and everyone except me had liquids. To which I say- READ THE FREAKIN SIGNS PEOPLE!). But on a bright note I managed to gash my wrist with the ring I am wearing, so now am dripping blood and look like I attempted to kill myself!
11:11am Finally on airplane… getting very very sleepy… nap time!
11:30am Woken up from nap by the most insane turbulence. Half asleep but hear call button and emergency… at this point I’m ready to assume my position with my head between my legs and say a few hail marys if necessary.
1:15pm Finally off the airplane. Kiss the ground in Phoenix and am stumbling to the bar…

Happy Holidays to everyone! This blog was in place of my very hurt and finally very furious one. I realized that as much as I’d like to publish that blog I know I shouldn’t do it while I’m still mad (and boy am I finally ever mad)… and although everyone thinks it’s time that I finally say what I really think (instead of just taking all the shit that had been given to me) and although at first it seemed really good to be able to air the non-edited, non-better person, non-push over blog… I realized in the spirit of the holidays I won’t. Because really in the long run, he so isn’t worth my time. And yes he still reads the blogs at an alarming rate (and no that’s not the reason that I’m not going to give him the good tongue lashing that he deserves). And yes it would feel good for that moment, but in the long run that’s not who I am. I’m not vindictive. I’m not mean. And yes there is part of me that doesn't want him to even know that I do occasionally still think of him, because despite his obsessive checking of my blog just to see if he's still making an appearance I know that he doesn't still think of me... And sometimes you just have to let go… and I think I finally have.

Fuck Buddy. Friend or Foe?!?!

I have to say it’s been a very interesting weekend… full of fun, surprises, propositions, and laughter… It’s been the first weekend in a really long time that I really felt like myself again. And I have a few people to thank for that, some old friends, some new friends, and even one really old friend. Sometimes when you are down you just need to go back to your roots a bit… and boy did I ever go back to my roots. My San Diego roots. Back to the days when the most stressful thing was a play rehearsal. And Saturday nights were spent at Soma listening to Buck-O-Nine and Aqua Bats. To when hooking up meant kissing (and sorry boys but I still am sticking with what I said last night- hooking up still means kissing!). And back in the days when we were all home by midnight because of curfew (and not because we had hit 7 bars in less than 12 hours!).

But of course with the ups there was a bit of a down. And as we know there are many ways to make me feel like shit lately.One of them is to suggest we become fuck buddies. It’s one thing to want to date and then have sex with me. But to actually say you don’t know if you want to date me but damn you want to fuck me. Now that’s a little insulting. And yes we know I’ve settled for that in the past (and haven’t we all at some point)… but really if you don’t want all of me you shouldn’t be able to get any of me. That’s the how strongly I feel about this at the moment. And sure I’m a flirt… and I will flirt and tease back with the best of them. Because hell yea that’s fun… but when it comes down to it I’m looking for a bit more. You may ask where this rant came from… well lets just say I’ve had some interesting propositions lately. And luckily (and some might find shockingly) I have found someone who wants to give me everything that I want so it’s easy for me to sit on my high horse and say sorry kids all those illicit propositions I don’t need them… I think maybe that’s why these seem even more ridiculous. Hell I even was propositioned by a friend of someone I had been dating… which the only thing I have to say is this (and yes Peanut Gallery- YOU WARNED ME) but nothing tells you how little you meant to someone when their friends start asking you out… Flattering at first, yes. But I have to say the idea of just passing around someone is really kind of insulting… shame on you boys. And yes I said boys because there has been more than just one of this particular Mr.’s friends that have seen fit to let me know that they are more than willing to fill his shoes… But luckily for me I’ve traded in for a new pair… and these new shoes are fitting me just perfectly!

Pitchers. Shots. Shooters. And more… (Go Buckeyes!)

Yesterday afternoon I had plans to watch the college football games with Mr. Uni and some of his guy friends, who we will call Michigan, Sir Marks-A-lot and Brooding. There was a 4th but really he made no impression on me and we left him at one of the bars anyways… and although most girls would think that spending a Saturday afternoon with 5 drunken guys watching football was one of the top levels of hell, I think of that as paradise. So off I was… on a little adventure. And boy did I find it… Here is a play by play of last night, or at least what I remember of it. And yes sadly there are some points that are a little blurry!

Bar #1- The Shack
Now the Shack was my pick for afternoon bar mainly because it’s an Ohio State Bar (go Buckeyes) but looking back it probably wasn’t the wisest choice seeing as I sent in there a group of not only Michigan fans but a former Michigan football player. Needless to say they got called out of the bar pretty much on entry.

Bar #2- Sonny McLean’s.
Happens to be caddy corner from The Shack so it was the logical next choice. At that point I became well acquainted with Michigan and Sir Marks-a-lot and their tactic of picking up women. Sir Marks-a-lot has a sharpie and Michigan has two arms that he asks woman to draw on. I kid you not! At that point I realize that they have been drinking non-stop since the 9am kickoff of the Ohio-Michigan game. So my choice was to sit there and be annoyed or to catch up. I’m sure you can guess which one I choose. And a pitcher of beer later I was starting to enjoy watching them get turned down…

Bar #3- Busbys
Now this is where the day starts to get a bit fuzzy. Mind you it’s not even 5 at this point and already we are on our way to getting trashed. And what better way than with lots and lots of shots and shooters… oh yes my friend this is where judgment goes out the window. I had to know I was in for trouble when after our 4th round of shots in about a half hour Mr. Uni turns to me and says- ok from this point on I can’t be held accountable for what happens… um ok. And of course you guessed it. This is where both of us seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to make out. At. A. Bar. Oh don’t snicker, you know you’ve been there before! Now this is where we met up with Miss Lip. Yay another girl…but of course she was very nice but not much of a personality. So much that when we left Busbys to drop off Sir Marks-a-lot to change it wasn’t until we were at his place did we realize we had left her at the bar and had to go back. Once again, I kid you not!

Michigan’s Apartment
Needing a break from the bars at around 7 we went back to Michigan’s Apartment where of course you guessed it, had more booze. And of course got to christen the couch ;) There also was a little freestyle be-bopping with the neighbors on the way out… yes it really was one of the most random nights I’ve had in a long time!

Bar #4- South
One of my favorites so you know this bar of course had to make an appearance. And now this is the part of the evening when Michigan thought I too needed a tattoo so yes I woke up this morning and was like why the hell do I have Zonie written on my arm! Now after some dancing and some more kissing we were off to another bar. But not before we ran into Miss High School. Now this was the part of the evening that I actually found really amusing. We sat there and watched her attach herself to Mr. Uni. But while I was like ok I don’t need to compete. After all it wasn’t like I had to guess which one he wanted to go home with… But his friends and Miss Lip were very upset by her. Michigan came over to me and was like who is she and why is she all over Mr. Uni. You obviously are “his girl” and it’s crazy how into you he is so why is he even bothering with her. His words not mine. But at this point I just laughed… So Michigan and Miss Lip decided we needed to head out to another bar in order to ditch her. Though at the same time we lost the rest of their friends. We think they were still at the bar but really we were all so drunk it didn’t matter! So off we go without Miss High School.

Jack In The Box
We had been drinking all day so of course I needed food in my stomach to drink some more!!! Sourdough Jack you really are my GOD!

Bar #5- The gaslite
Karaoke bar. Enough said.

Bar #6- The Parlor
Way too long of a line. We give up and head home.

Now we all know that when I drink I shouldn’t be allowed to be in possession of the phone… so on the way back to my place I ended up in fun drunk text conversations with both Mr. Green Sr. and Mr. Green Sr.’s Former Roommate (GSFM)… How I miss my San Diego boys who both were just as trashed as I was. Good to know I’m not the only drunk out there on my Saturday night! And even a 3am text message from Mr. Baby R… goodness the drunken texts sure were flying last night!

So here I sit on my Sunday afternoon a little bit hungover, ok maybe a lot hungover still laughing at the events of last night. Sure there are parts I’ve forgotten, and you know there are parts that I can’t (or should I say won't) put into the blog but for the most part those were the basics of last night. And I take one thing from this experience, I might be able to hang with the boys, though I probably shouldn’t… but damn was it ever fun!

Sometimes we just need some rose colored glasses

This morning while trying to put the final touches on a new blog (top 10 reasons why unemployment sucks) I started to poke around on the Internet and found an article that horrified me. A college student committed suicide live on a web cam over the weekend. Now I’m not going to link the website (in which the camera was only turned off when the police arrived to already find him dead) because I don’t think this guy deserves any more publicity. But here’s the thing, he not only died on camera but there were people that actually watched and were making comments on it while it was happening. And that’s the part that horrifies me the most. The fact that all these people had the ability to save this young kids life and instead they took time to make jokes and debate if he really had taken enough pills to die. I can’t imagine what this kid was going through, but obviously it was a cry for help and he was hoping that someone would save him. And no one cared enough about another human’s life to do anything about it. Mind you there were some that eventually did call the police, but only after it was too late. 12 hours after he said he was going to kill himself. And the website administrators were finally notified and were the ones to deal with the police. But you would think that they would have shut down the site, but no they not only allowed it to continue as people watching a college student already dead but they now have published photos and the video of what happened. The entire thing just disgust me on so many levels

It really got me to thinking that there is just so much negativity in the world. So much cynicism. So much narcissism… really sometime all we need is just a hug and to be told everything is going to be all right. Well I can’t tell you that… and I don’t think my virtual hug is going to help much… so instead of my sarcastic tongue and cheek blog I was writing I’m going to post something a little different. Here is a list of everything that makes me smile. Ok it’s a little sappy. But sometimes we just need to turn up the optimism. So sitting here on my Saturday morning here’s everything that can bring a smile to my face. Maybe it will bring one to yours too. Maybe you will just sneer at it. Who knows. But for me, I’m going out with a grin!

- Evenings with my girlfriends full of laughter, wine, and cheese (Love you Janice, you rock!)
- Sex on a lazy Saturday morning… Mmmmm enough said on that one!
- Afternoons spent on the beach with just a surfboard and a beer.
- A Hug from my mother
- A good book on a rainy afternoon
- Bruises and bite marks after a good weekend :)
- Sunday evenings spent in front of a fire, with a movie and someone to cuddle with.
- Saying I love you, and meaning it!
- The beep of a text message
- The first kiss, that really good one.
- A good debate.
- Cards in the mail. I get so much junk mail so that when someone sends me a card I’m in heaven… and if it’s a postcard from an exotic locale I will love them forever.
- Holding hands walking down the street
- Being able to fit into a size jeans smaller than the last I bought
- Shoes. Best way to cheer me up is take me shoe shopping. Just put me in a pair of fuck me heels and I’m sold!
- Mimosas. Any day of the week!
- A good scary movie and someone whose lap I can jump into when I’m scared.
- When someone kisses the back of my shoulder when I’m sleeping…
- Skinny dipping.
- Watching the sun set over the ocean. Any ocean.
- A new hit on my blog.
- My camera… damn do I ever love taking pictures!
- Kickboxing. There is something about boxing all your demons out that really makes me smile!
- Finding 5 dollars in last years winter coat
- Getting a person on the phone instead of a recording when you call customer service.
- And pretty much anything involving my family and friends!!!

So go forth on your Saturday and smile to your hearts desire because there always is tomorrow to be cynical and jaded. Why not spend one day with your rose colored glasses on!

A Single girl. And her pheromones.

It seems guys can sense when you are looking for a relationship… they also can sense when you are not. It’s this weird 6th sense radar kind of thing that I can’t explain let alone understand. These last 2 weeks I have eerily become more and more aware of it. After a tumultuous year (to say the least!) I have been kind of looking forward to settling down with myself and figuring out my life. Ok maybe not LOOKING forward to it as much as it’s been thrust on me, but it is time to make some changes. And trying to avoid a third disaster in 2008 I figured I needed to go along this path without the help of a boy… well turns out the fates are laughing at me now. Because right now it is the wrong time to meet someone and it seems that men are being thrown at me left and right. Cute guy at the gym that I always see- of course he wants to take me to dinner. Bar owner at one of my favorite bars that I like to flirt with- oh right you want to take me out for drinks one night when you aren’t working. Mr. Ex whom I have finally settled into a very satisfying non-relationship with, you want to make some changes to that too… I kid you not it seems like everywhere I turn I’m meeting someone. The phone is beeping with text messages constantly, always from a guy wanting to know what I’m up to tonight, what am I doing this weekend… and I have to say if I wasn’t so miserable I would actually be enjoying it. Ok maybe I am enjoying it a bit. But the only thing I have to say to the fates is this, where was this a month ago? Where was this in August?

The sad thing is that there is one who has brought the smile back to my face in the last couple of weeks… one who for a long list of reasons I cannot (though really want to) date. One who very much has his light on. And I have to say it kind of sucks. Because finally all the right guys are being thrust at me and for once it’s me that’s not ready… Looks like for once I’m the one whose light is not on! And that is just plain frustrating!