When hope doesn't float up

Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

Sometimes my hopeful optimism breaks me down. And today I really feel it. When you are on the outside you can see that something isn’t working, that something will never work. You can look at a friend’s relationship and know that she’s just about to get her heart broken. And you can advise her. And you can try and be there. But no matter what you do or don’t do she’s still going to get hurt… and once again I’m just left hurt. But this time it’s more than just being hurt by a boy. It’s hurt by the same situation over and over again. Because at some point we realize that it’s not these boys but it’s us. It’s something that I am doing that seems to have them run to the hills… And for once I just have to say I give up. This has actually broken me. I’m sick of always having blind hope. Always “knowing” that it’s just going to work out… because what if it’s just not? Every guy I’ve dated in the last couple of years is right now currently in a great relationship. All these guys that all my friends have put down told me aren’t good enough, that they are the ones with the problems, with the commitment issues, that it’s not ME. The fact of the matter is it is, it’s me. It’s me that they didn’t love enough, or at all in some of these cases. They were perfectly able to move on with the next girl and give her everything that I never got. And yet I’m still here racking up one unsuccessful relationship after the next… Always the girl that stays friends with them. Always the girl who is just there. The one who calls. The one who is the push over. The one who always forgives. The one who makes sure they are ok. The one who in the end just doesn’t move on. Well I’m done being that girl. The girl that at the end of the day just ends up with her heart broken in her hands… and I’m sure I will piece it back together like I usually do. But what do I do know that I finally realize that it may be pieced back together, but it’s just never going to be the same. What do I do when I start to realize that maybe that happy ending isn’t mine. That maybe at the end of the road there is just me. And there isn’t anything I can do about it.