Sometimes you can't love the one you're with...

You know those days when you run into an ex and things are great, you laugh, and talk and reminiscence and when it’s all over you are left with a sense of nostalgia and you just can’t seem to remember why you broke up in the first place? Well yesterday I had the opposite happen. I spent another weekend down with Mr. FB. One that involved lots of drinking and an insane volleyball tournament. We went to one of his frat brothers Volleyball Tourney down at Dockweiler State Beach. It involved lots of insane costumes, loud music, crazy drunkenness and a whole lot of fun. The problem was we were seriously drinking for the better part of the day so by 3 everyone was trashed. And although I was very drunk myself, I had one moment of sobriety. I looked over at Mr. FB being his usual fun loving outgoing self and I had one thought- that for the life of me I couldn’t remember why we ever started dating in the first place. Now nothing happened to make me change my mind about him. He’s exactly who he has always been, I just can’t remember why I ever found that appealing. And in that moment I realized just how appealing Mr. Piranha really was… and did stupid thing number 1 for the day- I called him. Now the surprising thing was he was actually really happy to hear from me. I was surprised that he even answered the phone… and I tried to tempt him into taking a break from working on his online cartoon later in the day with me. And he began to think about it… now drunk and not wanting to push my luck I quickly got off the phone but not before he decided that yea maybe he could use a little break later… so I continued on my day, only this time sobering up. After the tourney we headed to Mr. FB’s favorite place- Big Mikes, for some much needed dinner and then it was time to head back to my place for a nap. Now MR. FB was a little confused by this because all along I was planning on just napping there and then heading out later with him to the tourney after party. But in that moment I just couldn’t get away quick enough… These last two weekends with Mr. FB have been great. Just what I needed. We had tons of fun, I got to hide out at his place down by the beach, and it was sort of like dating but without the actual intimacy and sex. It’s just been really easy. And it was something to really smooth me into being single again after spending the weeks prior being in constant intimacy (and sex) with Mr. Piranha. And for that I’m very grateful that Mr. FB was there…but the sad thing was that at the end of the day it was Mr. P whom I wanted to crawl into bed with. And he’s the one who I just can’t be with. In the end he wasn’t able to take a break from his work. And I would like to say it wasn’t able, versus just didn’t want to be bothered with me. And he really does have to work all weekend for his huge pitch that he has this week.. And in the end I need to not only give him space, but give my heart a little space from him. Because despite it all he still is the one who put the smile on my face yesterday. The one who reminded me of just how great things could have been. And still the one who left me wanting more… Because as much as I want it, this sadly little Hardt doesn’t get to just climb into bed with him and nap away his fears… instead I will just climb into my own bed and dream that things can end differently. Because just for once I’d like this story to end with a happily ever after. After all, isn’t it about time?