The future Mrs. Scottsdale Trophy Wife.

Last night I went out with Mr. Neighbor… yea I know, adding another man to the mix. I swear to God it’s like moths to a flame lately (though my mom is starting to think it’s more like lambs to the slaughter!) I don’t think I’ve ever dated this much, in fact it’s getting pretty ridiculous. This was my third date in a week! I’m dating exhausted… but that’s not the point of the story, let me get back to Mr. Neighbor. Now Mr. N’s parents have lived next door to mine for 10 years now. So we’ve seen each other in passing. And he has a 7 year old daughter who is in love with my dad more than you can imagine. So every time they come to visit her grandma they call over to my parents to see if she can also come over and play with Chuck. But in the past 10 years I don’t think I’ve had more than a handful of conversations with him so when he called this week I was a little taken aback, and that’s an understatement. In fact when he called I thought he was going to ask me to babysit, so when he suggested taking me out to dinner I was quite in shock. As was my mother who was crying she was laughing so hard. And don’t get me wrong he’s very nice, in his mid 30’s, attractive, has a nice body, has a great job… but when it comes down to it just not my type. But as I was a little shell shocked when he asked I agreed to dinner. In fact I think my actual response was: “Um, Ok?”

But actually last night turned out to be really nice. I didn’t think that we would have much in common but turns out that we both share a love for wine and Ohio Football, and oddly enough that kept us talking for most of the night. What I had assumed to be just dinner ended up being dinner and then a really cool jazz wine bar… and the evening ended a surprisingly short 6 hours later. And I have to say it was nice to have someone take me out and make a reservation (instead of take out!). And after all the doubt with my love life lately it was really nice to sit down and have someone tell me how amazing I look (he’s seen me at my WORST and was very polite about it saying well not that you didn’t look great before but you really look amazing now) and to have dinner with someone who appreciates just how much fun I can be. So all in all it was great wine, good food, and fun company. And maybe there wasn’t a love match… But I wasn’t look for one. As I’ve mentioned before there is someone who is a possible love match back in Los Angeles (and yes it’s still too soon for me to give too many details. I learned my lesson last time! You guys will just have to guess which Mr. has been stealing my heart! Hint he is mentioned in the blogs). But what I left with was a fun new friend to hang out with when I’m in town. He wants to get together when I’m back in a couple of weeks, and that I’m more than ok with.

The sound of patterns breaking.

This week I’ve slowly slipped back into some old habits, to which a friend called me out on the other night, her exact words were- you always use Booze and Men to deal with breakups… and it’s true I do. So this week I have attempted to change that a bit. Some parts were easy, some a little harder and some were more impossible than I thought they would be!

The easy one was to not jump right back out into the dating world… Now I’ve been dating through the summer (Mr. C and O, Mr. Disney, Mr. First to name a few, but have mainly been a one man woman) and with the end of another chapter in my Mr. book I’ve once again found myself out there trying to really date again… and 2 guys who have been hovering about for the summer finally decided to make their move when hearing I was once again back on the market… now blowing them off was the easy part of the week. I don’t really want to be dating anyone at the moment, and used the break as an excuse and was able to turn both dates into “non-dates” with a counter offer of Hiking with one and then turned drinks with the other into come into the bar while I’m bartending and we will catch up.

Now the part that was a little harder was dealing with Mr. Ex… now that he’s back in town he’s ready to start back where we left off. And it’s easy to slip into comfortability with him, we do it every time I end things with someone… but I realized this week that I don’t think that’s what I want when a couple days later, and many conversations between us, I still haven’t told him that I broke things off with Mr. G. I don’t know why I haven’t. Maybe because I know he will just laugh and say I told you so (all summer whenever I would mention it, Mr. Ex always just said don’t worry that’s just a fling between the two of you, I’ll see you when I get back in town)… and maybe because with each break up it’s harder to say no to Mr. Ex when he’s offering me so many things that I do want… but one thing I know for certain is it’s not as lonely waking up in bed alone, as it is waking up in bed next to someone and wishing they were someone else.

And now the next to impossible part, breaking my cycle with the guys I meet. I know what I’m looking for (in fact we all know what I’m looking for, I blog about my lists enough!) but when I go out I am like a moth to a flame for the biggest asshole in the bar. Last night while out with the girls to cheer me up I once again meet my type: Hot, Great Body, 24, Model looks… and while talking to him I realize just how easy it would be to just go down that path again. But after dating an actual nice guy the last couple of months, it was a bit easier to walk away from the asshole at the end of the night. Mind you I know we would have had an amazing time together, and boy do I ever need THAT right now… but at the end of the night I was able to finish my drink and just say goodnight. Because I’m never going to meet Mr. Right always dating Mr. Wrongs.

Must love me... and have it’s lights on!

"Men are like cabs. They drive around dating women and picking them up, but their light isn't on. When they want to get married, they turn their light on. And the next woman they pick up, they marry." SEX AND THE CITY

Tonight I got to talking to a friend who summed up men very simply: Men are like taxi cabs, you have to get in when the lights on… I've spent the last couple of months waiting on a certain green light to turn on, unfortunately that didn't happened… so once again I can turn to and add to my list. Below is a list I came up with friends earlier this year (and posted in previous blogs), with an small addition because "Every lover is a reaction against your last"- (Erika Jong) and if we didn't learn from our past than that really would make our heartbreaks useless, wouldn't they?

- Must have a REAL job- no stuntman, model, stripper, flair bartender, pro-surfer, jet-skier, actor… But more than anything must be Career Driven. Nothing is sexier than a guy who is ambitious. I also need someone who understands when I can't make it home for dinner because we are shooting late, or when I need to work weekends to get caught up. But at the same time, I want to be more than just an obligation or something that casually slips their mind, like washing dishes or taking out the trash.

- Must not have any piercings. No tongue, No nipple, No lip, and especially NO PENIS!

- Must be at least my age- if not OLDER! Must be a responsible Adult…No more 23 year old boys who are still trying to figure out their life. A job, car, apartment, direction in life... all things that should be a given when finding someone to date!

- Must have some kind of imperfection on his body (as long as that imperfection is not below the waist)… After having dated the underwear model this year I've decided that a perfect boy is overrated! I mean the ideal must have would have been: Tall, Thin and Muscular… But I've also learned that perfection is boring! I'm not looking for perfect…. Just perfect to me!

- Must be looking for an actual relationship. As Zoha says must have his light on- No flings. No rebound. No one-night Stands. No out of town fuck buddies. No casual relations… someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I'm not talking marriage, engagement, or even a serious relationship- just someone who at the end of a long work weeks wants to come home to me, just me.

- Must not have any ex's in their life! If she's still in love with you than you can move on from me! At the same time no girlfriends, no fuck buddies, no fiances, no wives... and this one is non-negotiable. Though he must also have had stable relationships in the past, if they haven't been serious about someone in the past they aren't going to be able to be serious about me.

- Must not have gone to Jail or get yourself arrested while we are dating! I know Janice can't handle having to try and bail another boyfriend out of the drunk tank!

- Must be College Educated. Sorry boys that's a requirement. I like having lively debates, I like discussing politics and I love someone who can put me in my place. At the same time I also think we learned more than just what our professors were teaching us in college. College is where you start to form the real friendships that last through our life… That safe environment shapes who we later become in life. Without that I think a lot of people are searching for answers… and although I think that's fantastic, I don't want to date that person anymore!

- Must be Adventurous… He's gotta love surfing and hiking with me. If the guy doesn't like water and sand than he doesn't have a chance! Plus I think only a guy who is willing to jump off a bridge, go white water rafting, running with the bulls or scuba diving with the stingrays on the spur of the moment would keep me interested for 50 years. Because that's what I'm looking for- 50 years, not 50 days!

- Must be Family Oriented. It's taken me a long time to admit this, but I'm finally getting to the point where I'm ready to think about settling down with a family. Not today, not tomorrow… but at the same time not too far into the future. So if you don't want children or need to wait another 10 years, keep moving because we won't work out. At the same time he needs to be involved with his own family. I know it's horrible to say, but I can't date someone else who has family issues- wither it be with a father, mother, sister, brother, cousin… whoever! I'm not your therapist and I'm not your quick fix!

- Core group of friends. I know this seems like an odd one. But it's a deal breaker for me now. A guy without his guys has issues… or even a guy with a lot of new friends. There is a reason that he can't keep his ties for long, and most likely won't be able to get a girlfriend for long either… my friends are my life force and I also need someone to understand that! And accept that I have my Tuesday night dinners, and sometimes he just won't be invited to them.

- Must be outgoing and social… I love going out. A great party on a Saturday night is one of the great things in life. Going out, dressing up, having fun… that's part of my life… and with my career choice will always be part of my life. At the same time, I don't want him to be too social! I don't need him looking for "friends" in chat rooms, getting arrested halfway across the US or partying until the sun comes up. On the flip side he must also enjoy a Friday night in watching movies or a Sunday morning in bed drinking Mimosas.

- Must not live in a different city, state or take a job touring the US for 6 months at a time! But at the same time must not view living in Venice being "long distance" if he only lives in Burbank! It seems I'm always attracted to the guys that are just a little out of my reach physically- Wisconsin, Arizona, San Diego... I think maybe it's time to play it close to the vest and start to think locally. Because I really need to hear something other than it's not you, it's your location.

- But I guess the most important thing is he must love me. Not love who he thinks I am or who he thinks I will be. But loves me. Me at my worst. The grumpy, demanding, whiny, solitary, spastic, loud, overbearing, crazy, dorky me. The me who spends way too much time on my computer. Too many hours dissecting my belly. Gets depressed when the scale goes up… and giddy when it goes down. Loves my family and my friends… and how disgustingly close I am to both of them. Accepts that I too am not perfect… but that we are perfectly imperfect for each other.