A sex-jury meets the waves...

Two weeks ago while dragging a table I managed to get a little tweak in my back… nothing serious just a little sore, or so I thought! And it definitely wasn’t going to side line me when Mr. Green came up the weekend after. During the weekend it got a bit worse, kind of reminds me of what our parents use to warn us about making funny faces- watch out, if you keep you expression like that for too long your face might just get stuck. Which seemed kind of funny, since the Monday after Mr. Green left to go back to San Diego I realized that it was next to impossible to stand up straight, yet bent over I felt fine! Hmmmm… so for all of last week friends made fun of me for my Sex-jury but it seemed to be getting better, once again or so I thought! Which leads me to last Sunday.After a weekend of great surf I felt energized and ready to play with the big boys… so I paddled myself out and go some of the best waves of my life… A nice little swell came in during the early morning hours and not only were the waves a nice size but they had some nice speed to them too. About 45 minutes into my session I paddled a wave but realized a little too late that it was way bigger than I should be taking, which gave me a moment’s hesitation. Now if I would have backed off the wave I would have been fine. If I would have just continued to try and ride the way I’m sure I would have been fine too… but instead I hesitated, and unfortunately I was “fucked stupid” by the wave. As soon as I was off my board I did exactly as I had been taught all those years ago, cover your face and head and then just roll with the wave. And boy did I ever roll! At one point my hands on top of my head touched the ocean floor (thank god my hands were there or it would have been my head bumping up against the sand). After I finally stopped rolling I was able to pop my head above the water and cough my way to shore. Which at that point I felt fine, ran home to shower before heading down to the Surf Tournament in Huntington… but about a half hour later I found myself flat on my back unable to move, which is a similar position that I’ve been in all week. Now the smart thing to do would be go to a doctor… or maybe just stay on my couch! Instead I spent Sunday in Huntington meeting my idols (so couldn’t turn down the opportunity to meet Sonny Garcia!), walking the beach, playing in the waves and admiring my surf gods. Though I plan on taking it easy the rest of the week and luckily I had to cancel my trip down to surf in San Diego this weekend, because I’m a little afraid that if I spend any more time bent over (which is the only position my back is comfortable in right now) I really might just get stuck that way! But hey, at least it would be a fun way to go out :)

Moments in my head.

So it’s been a pretty slow week here in my life… both on the personal and professional fronts, and except for a couple of drinks with the girls and an interview it’s been pretty mellow (especially since I no longer have 3 dogs that follow me around all day long!). So unfortunately I have nothing to report on myself but I did have some thoughts this morning while I drink my coffee (without baileys in it unfortunately).

1) Vaginal Reconstruction and G-Spot Shots…ok yea that’s an odd one to start out with but I was watching a show on it this morning. And I know that I haven’t had any children, so I might not be able to understand (especially since more often than not I’ve been told that I’m tighter than they’d expected), but seriously ladies how can you get laser treatment inside your V-JJ! And even worse to let someone inject silicone into your g-spot in order to make it more sensitive (and although the claimed multiple orgasms is a nice perk I’d HATE for something to go wrong)… though the best part of the segment was that the woman who was talking about the effects that she had with all of it had the LARGEST NOSE, seriously she should have invested her thousands of dollars into getting that fixed instead!

2) How do people survive without a dishwasher! Seriously I’ve gotten so spoiled, I grew up with a dishwasher, pretty much always had one in every apartment, and have been in this one for 4 years now with my trusty dishwasher… Turns out I use way too many dishes, pots and silverware when I cook so now I feel like my life is constantly just one long line of dish washing! Dear landlord- please fix me soon!

3) Morning optimism… it’s funny how when I first wake up I’m pretty grumpy in the morning… but give me some coffee and an hour and I’m singing along with the birds and practically skipping around my apartment. I wish every moment of the day could be lived like I live the 2nd hour of being awake every morning!

4) Craigslist. It’s really such an odd thing. I mean basically it’s an online newspaper classified section, but you can buy anything from a car to a person on it. I’m using it for the first time to sell a table and I’m finding it fascinating… a lot more now that it’s not me either seeing my boyfriend posting himself on it or seeing myself being posted on it as a hooker. I’m optimistic about selling my table and will let you know if it actually works… especially since EBay really does seem like too much work for me, plus they take a cut- what’s with that! But so far just two emails from scammers telling me they would mail me a check and their “shipping manager” would pick it up… Hmmmm no!

Well that’s all the ramblings for today… and after a nice afternoon spent on the beach getting some much needed sun I’m off to get ready for cocktails at Blue on Blue… because what more can you ask for on a Thursday- A little coffee, a little optimism, a lot of sun, and some drinks sitting out by a poolside bar!

Will the real Hardt please stand up?

Over the years I have gotten many criticisms on my extremely large personality. Everything from EVERYONE telling me, to talk softer to multiple friends telling me that maybe I should try and be a little more subdued around guys, to an ex who actually told me I was “cold”… I know I’m a little larger than life, a little louder than most, more sexual than is probably normal, I don’t have a filter, just say whatever comes to my mind and live my life as an open book- telling everything to all, even if more times than not they really don’t want to hear it. And sometimes that scares people off, sometimes it attracts people for the wrong reasons but sometimes it’s just right. And for the most part I’m pretty secure in who I am… though lately I have been having my doubts.After searching for a job these last couple of months I’ve started to think that maybe there is something wrong. In every interview I get out of they tell me how much they just LOVED me, so much that when they call to tell me that they won't be offering me the job they always let me know that they are passing my resume along to everyone they know because I am so great. And strangely they all have passed my resume along. Which of course only started once again the cycle of: interview, loved by all and then rejected once again… I also have found in my love life lately that maybe I do need to hold back. Hold back on what I say, hold back on my sexuality, and after scaring off Mr. Green this past weekend maybe I need to hold back hammering home what I need out of “relationship”. So it’s only normal that I went into an interview on Tuesday a little out of sorts. On the heals of many rejections (both professional and personally in the last couple of months) I thought it would be best to kind of hang up the fabulous Hardt and go with just all right Hardt. And in the end it turns out that the one interview when I could have brought out the real me, was the one that I held back… And when she called to check my references she told them that although she LOVED me that she got a feeling I was holding back on her and wasn’t being myself… and she was right! Guess I should have know that when I was interviewing with an Actress who became famous for playing one of those out there crazy, outrageously funny, sexual woman (very much like myself!) that she would have appreciated meeting the crazy, sexed out, loud and obnoxious Hardt… I just hope that I get the opportunity to show her that I really am just as insane as the potential that she saw in me…. Because trust me- I so am sponge worthy!

Silence is Golden... and telling.

I live my life as an open book… I post most days on my blog, I update my status practically every hour on myspace and facebook, I call ALL of my friends whenever I have a problem or good news or just want to talk and I usually solicit advice from everyone from my parents on down to the butcher… but sometimes a little silence is nice. When I’m having a bad day, it isn’t helpful to hear that I’ve once again screwed up. Or after a job interview that I desperately need to be told that it’s just a waste of time for me to take a job like that. Or when a boy disappoints that it’s ok, I shouldn’t care anyway. Or when I’m grumpy and in a bad mood to just be asked why are you so negative lately… Because sometimes I’m just grumpy. And trust me, I’m well aware that I’ve screwed up (once again). Maybe I just can’t get anything better right now. And so what if I do care!

I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking poor baby you are complaining because people care enough about you to ask questions, and try and help… but I’m allowed to just have a bad day sometimes… and let me tell you today is just one of them. And I love that all my friends are always there, always asking, always trying to help, always having suggestions on how to bail myself out of another mess. But really, sometimes I want to not have to rely on someone else. Sometimes I really just want to be able to get out of that mess myself. To not have to be bailed out once again… and some times I just want to be able to bury myself in my apartment and have a really good cry. And I know that I’ve been taking things out on my poor friends that are just trying to help… but it just seems the more everyone wants to help me the worse I feel about myself. Which I know is incredibly selfish of me but sometimes when everyone is trying to help out they are just reminding me of everything I don’t have, which right now seems like a lot. But like I said today is just one of those bad days… and I’m sure tomorrow I will wake up with the birds chirping and my smile will have returned on my face. But for now I’m going to hole up in my apartment, finish cleaning the mess that it became over the weekend, have a good cry and be thankful for everything that I do have in my life, including all my wonderful friends who really do just want the best for me and would lay down on the tracks to help the train from running me over! So just ignore me when I’m grumpy and snappy today… and next time you get in a mood (as we all get in them) I too will ignore the snapping come my direction.

Hardt on Fire!

So once again your trusty blogger found a new way to meet men... or should I say found a new way to meet the firemen that live across the street! Yes you guessed it, I’ve done something to require the help of the men in uniform across the street (yet again!).

As you know I’ve been having a streak of bad luck over the last couple of months ago. Even my “fortune” was telling me of more bad luck (officially my fortune over the weekend was: “You will endure some hardship in the near future”), so I should not have been surprised that while rocking Jeopardy tonight I started to smell what seemed like burning plastic… oh wait it was burning plastic and as I looked over to the dishwasher I noticed that there was smoke coming out of it! Turns out I managed to do the undoable- started my dishwasher on fire. Yes I know a couple of months ago I did set a spatula on fire while cooking, but it’s a completely different ballpark to actual set an appliance on fire- especially an appliance whose sole purpose is to spout WATER! It looks like I might be washing my dishes by hand the next couple of days (luckily it was already having issues so there should be a handy man out next week to check it out) but once again it was thrust upon me that maybe I don’t need a man in my life, but sometimes it is helpful to have a really big hose!

I see dead people

Last night I found myself enjoying not only one of my favorite summer activities but one of the top things to do in Los Angeles- Classic Movie Screenings at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about (and if that is true, run don’t walk to the cemetery this Saturday or Sunday!) the Hollywood Forever Cemetery opens its gates on Saturday and Sundays for screenings of Classic Movies (mostly camp and horror). It screens it onto the back of one of the mausoleums on the great lawn. It sounds morbid but in fact it is incredibly fun! They open the gates an hour and half before the screening (though I recommend getting there really early because it often maxes out) and with a DJ playing in the background you can enjoy your own picnic dinner. And it has the distinction of being one of the few places in LA where you can enjoy alcohol with your picnic! But lets get back to my Saturday… Mr. Green and I set out to enjoy Clockwork Orange under the stars… in hindsight maybe not the best “date” movie, but since all of our dates had been unconventional (except maybe seeing Batman the previous evening) it seemed only appropriate that we see one of the most sexually disturbing movies of all times. So before heading to the screening we made a stop by at Whole Foods to pack ourselves the perfect dinner- well my version of the perfect dinner: Brie, Guda, A Tomato-Cheese Spread, Salami, Crackers, a Rosemary Olive Baguette, Hummus, Tabouli (my first time tasting it and have to say I’m kind of a fan now!), and mini healthy Chocolate Chip Cookies… oh and don’t let me forget two bottles of Chardonnay. After that it was off to the movies! The movie was even better than I remembered (though a little more disturbing!) but let me tell you it really was just about the perfect way to spend a Saturday Evening- A great movie, a couple of bottles of wine, some cheese, and Mr. Green to cuddle with under the stars… Now if only all Saturdays could be spent that way, I’d have a very happy Hardt.

He Said/She Said

Today Mr. Green made a joking suggestion that we should do a joint blog, a kind of He Said/She said version on life. And for once I think he has a point… after all, things seem to get lost in the translation when trying to figure out what someone of the opposite sex really means. With boys I have found that what they say initially is usually the truth, as Erika always tells me you have to date with your head and what they say upfront is usually what they mean. When a guy says I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, as a girl we usually hear but baby you can change that. But the fact is he’s telling you the truth- I don’t want to be in a relationship with YOU, I’m ok still sleeping with you and the girl down the street. There are red flags that get waved right at the beginning, which we choose to ignore. When Mr. NakedBartender told me he had been with 60 women, I should have KNOWN that he was going to end up cheating on me. When Mr. Wyoming told me he hadn’t been in a relationship (or even had sex with someone) in 3 years I should have KNOWN that he wouldn’t be able to handle things when they got serious and emotional… Just as when Mr. Green told me early on about the girls he’s currently “dating” I know that I need to remind myself (And unfortunately I’m sure I’m annoying him with how many times a day I remind him) that I’m really just another number in the line. But once again I guess I’m choosing to ignore the flag… or lets say I’m seeing it as yellow and not red (yea Naïve girl that I am!). But really does someone chuck out a potential relationship too early just because we don’t like the plays on the field? After two dates it’s way to early to expect monogamy (though he does point out that in reality all the time we’ve spent together really we’ve been on a dozen or so dates) but it got me to thinking today, if as women we know that these red flags are bad, why do we always try and turn them into green? And is it even possible?

I started asking around to my girls this afternoon… and turns out almost all of them are in relationships of sorts where they are uncertain of the terms of the relationship… One knows that they are just “buddies” yet continues to sleep with him in the hopes of one day it becoming a relationship… another is dating a guy but refuses to sleep with him until one day it becomes a relationship… another is back with her ex because she believes that this time he really is ready to settle down… and one even told me I had already given away my “relationship power”… ok so now I’m more confused than ever! As my friends like to remind me- I’m way over thinking things… like I always tend to do! I think maybe it comes from not being able to just enjoy the moment and always waiting for the other shoe to drop… but now that I’ve put it out there I’m going to just enjoy the weekend. Mr. Green is coming up for a Movie Marathon (Dark Knight on Friday and Clockwork Orange on Saturday) and some sun… and if he decides to turn his red flag into green than even better!